While there's life, there's hope.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard. The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

The more the merrier.

Many hands make light work.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

To have died once is enough.

No good deed goes unpunished.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

"Plaese porrf raed."

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Most general statements are false, including this one.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

To add insult to injury.

We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

A snake lurks in the grass.

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

There are no answers, only cross-references.

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Necessity hath no law.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Go away, I'm all right.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

In the long run we are all dead.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.