The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

To do two things at once is to do neither.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Littering is dumb.

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

I'll turn over a new leaf.

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.