All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

If you want divine justice, die.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

The Least Successful Collector Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of t

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Grig (the navigator): ... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space armada. Alex (the gunner): What?!? Grig: I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Alex: It'll be a slaughter! Grig: That'

WE'RE GOING TO THROW THE MX AWAY AFTER WE BUILD IT. The MX is really [Don't tell anybody!] just a "bargaining chip" in the nuclear-arms- reduction talks with the Russians. See, we have a problem with the Russians. They look at our leaders and they

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion.

Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

Patch griefs with proverbs.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

They use different words for things in America. For instance they say elevator and we say lift. They say drapes and we say curtains. They say president and we say brain damaged git.

You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.

Necessity hath no law.

A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having his neighbour notice it.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern. I realize that the whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional congresspersons to concern themselves with things like the MX missile so we can be free to concern ourselves wi

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on

It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat your own family with loving un

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

To be or not to be.

True leadership is the art of changing a group from what it is to what it ought to be.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

It is better to have loved and lost

Under every stone lurks a politician.

The ripest fruit falls first.

A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Haste makes waste.

The superfluous is very necessary.

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

Serfs up!

You guys have been practicing discrimination for years. Now it's our turn.

The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.

I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

It's not a sin not to be Irish, but it is a great shame.

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.