Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Don't get mad, get even.

Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

A place for everything and everything in its place.

To add insult to injury.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

There is no sin but ignorance.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

To lead people, you must follow behind.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

There's no justice in this world.

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Getting into trouble is easy.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Better late than never.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.