It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than their neck circumference. The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear signifi

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Words have a longer life than deeds.

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

In charity there is no excess.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Real wealth can only increase.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

In my end is my beginning.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

The world wants to be deceived.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

If you want divine justice, die.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Out of sight is out of mind.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

A violent man will die a violent death.

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.