Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

I am not a politician and my other habits are also good.

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

"You little (such a one who, while wearing a copper nose ring, stands in a footbath atop Mount Raruaruaha during a heavy thunderstorm and shouts that Alohura, Goddess of Lightning, has the facial features of a diseased uloruaha root)!"

We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.

I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.

You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile. Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures. One day, without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation. In an instant, armed troops surroun

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Pilfering Treasury property is paticularly dangerous: big thieves are ruthless in punishing little thieves.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in James Watt's office.

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

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There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Sometimes, too long is too long.

Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender. You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want.

In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.

We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is deceased. My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

God helps them that help themselves.

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

As long as there are entrenched social and political distinctions between sexes, races or classes, there will be forms of science whose main function is to rationalize and legitimize these distinctions.

AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! AWAKE!

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Don't get mad, get even.

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Talkers are no good doers.

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

How apt the poor are to be proud.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Every why hath a wherefore.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex." (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is a matter of discretion.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Flame on!

Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

The very first essential for success is a perpetually constant and regular employment of violence.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.

It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

The superfluous is very necessary.

Uppers are no longer stylish, methedrine is almost as rare as pure acid or DMT. "Consciousness Expansion" went out with LBJ and it is worth noting, historically, that downers came in with Nixon.

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.

Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

To add insult to injury.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Vote early and vote often.

"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

It is either through the influence of narcotic potions, of which all primitive peoples and races speak in hymns, or through the powerful approach of spring, penetrating with joy all of nature, that those Dionysian stirrings arise, which in their int

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

I used to be a rebel in my youth. This cause... that cause... (chuckle) I backed 'em ALL! But I learned. Rebellion is simply a device used by the immature to hide from his own problems. So I lost interest in politics. Now when I feel aroused by

One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

Political history is far too criminal a subject to be a fit thing to teach children.

Practice yourself what you preach.

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.