The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

Go away, I'm all right.

Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means.

Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, no error, no crime is so absolutely repugnant to God as everything which is official; and why? because the official is so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult which can be offered to a personality.

Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.

A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no training. And there's no reason for it. So what if I didn't attend the Royal Academy for twelve years? I'm still a professional trying to be the best actress I can. Why doesn't anyone

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Mum's the word.

Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.

For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.

To listen to some devout people, one would imagine that God never laughs.

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

I have a very strange feeling about this...

One big pile is better than two little piles.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Democracy becomes a government of bullies, tempered by editors.

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to give a public reading of his latest poem. Pope, the leading poet of h

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.

Odets, where is thy sting?

Better late than never.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it.

We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action.

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.

My father was a saint, I'm not.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make

And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

Practice is the best of all instructors.

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

We have gone on piling weapon upon weapon, missile upon missile, new levels of destructiveness upon old ones. We have done this helplessly, almost involuntarily: like the victims of some sort of hypnotism, like men in a dream, like lemmings heading

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Littering is dumb.

There's no justice in this world.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

I hate dying.

The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 th

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

Would it help if I got out and pushed?