A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia

Nothing, nothing, nothing, no error, no crime is so absolutely repugnant to God as everything which is official; and why? because the official is so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult which can be offered to a personality.

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

I hate dying.

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

I owe the public nothing.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Two heads are better than one.

My experience with government is when things are non-controversial, beautifully co-ordinated and all the rest, it must be that not much is going on.

The notes blatted skyward as they rose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically pedaling unseen bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim, 'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and a

Men are superior to women.

A full belly makes a dull brain.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar.

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

If Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is not by some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike."

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

When in doubt, use brute force.

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Language is a virus from another planet.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.

The only cultural advantage LA has over NY is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.

And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

A snake lurks in the grass.

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile. Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures. One day, without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation. In an instant, armed troops surroun

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument.

I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

"I'd like to start a new religion. One that doesn't use a dead young man as its logo."

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away."

The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.

Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.