Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.