The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

In charity there is no excess.

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Go ahead... make my day.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.