The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

Cold is God's way of teling us to burn more Catholics.

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

April 1 This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

When the sun shineth, make hay.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.