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The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Ambrose St.


I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

Ambrose Bierce


In charity there is no excess.

Ambrose Bierce


Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

Ambrose Bierce


Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Ambrose Bierce


The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Ambrose Bierce


Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.

Ambrose Bierce


The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Bierce Ambrose


Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

Bierce Ambrose


Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

Bierce Ambrose


The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Bierce Ambrose


He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

Bierce Ambrose


Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Bierce Ambrose


It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Bierce Ambrose


Go ahead... make my day.

Bierce Ambrose


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Bierce Ambrose


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Bierce Ambrose





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"It's a summons." "What's a summons?" "It means summon's in trouble."
Bullwinkle Rocky and

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Ambrose Bierce
 
 
 
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