"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

I shot an arrow in to the air, and it stuck.

Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented hell.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.