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What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Ba Dave


If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

Barry Dave


If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Barry Dave


If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Barry Dave


There is no fool to the old fool.

Barry Dave


When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

Barry Dave


I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Barry Dave


Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Barry Dave


As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Barry Dave


No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Barry Dave


Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Barry Dave


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Barry Dave


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Barry Dave


Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Barry Dave


All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

Barry Dave


God is Dead.

Barry Dave


All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Barry Dave


Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

Barry Dave


Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

Barry Dave


It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Barry Dave


I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

Barry Dave


If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Barry Dave


Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Barry Dave


When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Barry Dave


The course of true anything never does run smooth.

Barry Dave


Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Barry Dave


The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Barry Dave


Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Barry Dave


The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Barry Dave


You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Barry Dave


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Barry Dave


Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Barry Dave


"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Barry Dave


You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Barry Dave


Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

Barry Dave


Words have a longer life than deeds.

Barry Dave


Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Barry Dave


The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

Barry Dave


Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Barry Dave


We are what we pretend to be.

Barry Dave


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Barry Dave


Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

Barry Dave


An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Barry Dave


Go away, I'm all right.

Barry Dave


I hate quotations.

Barry Dave


A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Barry Dave


Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Barry Dave


If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Barry Dave


I'll turn over a new leaf.

Barry Dave


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Barry Dave


Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

Butler Dave


Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

Dave


Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Dave Barry


I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Johnson Dave


The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Millman Dave


The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Parnas Dave


A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Thomas Dave


The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

de Dave Johnson on





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