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I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Ba Dave


Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Barry Dave


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Barry Dave


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Barry Dave


It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

Barry Dave


Who's scruffy-looking?

Barry Dave


Go ahead... make my day.

Barry Dave


[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Barry Dave


Innovation is hard to schedule.

Barry Dave


"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Barry Dave


"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Barry Dave


It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Barry Dave


Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

Barry Dave


Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

Barry Dave


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Barry Dave


In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Barry Dave


I will make you shorter by the head.

Barry Dave


Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Barry Dave


Your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say, "Storms suck!"

Barry Dave


Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

Barry Dave


There's small choice in rotten apples.

Barry Dave


Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Barry Dave


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Barry Dave


Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

Barry Dave


Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Barry Dave


Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Barry Dave


France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Barry Dave


The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Barry Dave


You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.

Barry Dave


In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Barry Dave


Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Barry Dave


I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Barry Dave


Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Barry Dave


Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Barry Dave


Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

Barry Dave


"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

Barry Dave


Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

Barry Dave


I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Barry Dave


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Barry Dave


A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

Barry Dave


It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Barry Dave


When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Barry Dave


Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

Barry Dave


Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Barry Dave


Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Barry Dave


Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

Barry Dave


Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Barry Dave


"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

Barry Dave


If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Barry Dave


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Barry Dave


Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Butler Dave


We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Dave


XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Dave Barry


I stick my neck out for nobody.

Johnson Dave


While there's life, there's hope.

Millman Dave


Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Parnas Dave


Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Thomas Dave


What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

de Dave Johnson on





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Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are.
Pope St. Gregory

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave
 
 
 
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