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Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Ba Dave


Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Barry Dave


Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Barry Dave


There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Barry Dave


Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Barry Dave


Let your conscience be your guide.

Barry Dave


I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

Barry Dave


Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Barry Dave


He who slings mud generally loses ground.

Barry Dave


Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Barry Dave


I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

Barry Dave


Keep cool, but don't freeze.

Barry Dave


A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Barry Dave


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Barry Dave


One good turn asketh another.

Barry Dave


IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

Barry Dave


And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Barry Dave


If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Barry Dave


Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.

Barry Dave


Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Barry Dave


Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Barry Dave


Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Barry Dave


If I made peace with Russia today, I'd only attack her again tomorrow. I just couldn't help myself.

Barry Dave


Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Barry Dave


There is no sin but ignorance.

Barry Dave


Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Barry Dave


If the Nazis had television with satellite technology, we'd all be goose-stepping. Americans are just as suggestible.

Barry Dave


The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

Barry Dave


If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Barry Dave


She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Barry Dave


Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Barry Dave


We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square.

Barry Dave


You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.

Barry Dave


Faith is under the left nipple.

Barry Dave


When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

Barry Dave


When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Barry Dave


It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Barry Dave


I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.

Barry Dave


I don't understand what all the fuss was about in Los Angeles. It's not like we looted Brooks Brothers when Oliver North got off.

Barry Dave


I'll burn my books.

Barry Dave


What I tell you three times is true.

Barry Dave


Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Barry Dave


It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Barry Dave


Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Barry Dave


The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Barry Dave


An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad to lie and intrigue for the benefit of his country.

Barry Dave


I've got Hubert's pecker in my pocket.

Barry Dave


There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.

Barry Dave


You'd best be snoozin', 'cause you don't be gettin' no work done at 5 a.m. anyway.

Barry Dave


"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."

Barry Dave


Most people have a furious itch to talk about themselves and are restrained only by the disinclination of others to listen. Reserve is an artificial quality that is developed in most of us as the result of innumerable rebuffs.

Butler Dave


The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

Dave


Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!

Dave Barry


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Johnson Dave


The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Millman Dave


Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Parnas Dave


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Thomas Dave


Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organisation of hatreds.

de Dave Johnson on





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The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
Parker Dorothy

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