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Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Ba Dave


In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Barry Dave


Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Barry Dave


Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Barry Dave


There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Barry Dave


Getting into trouble is easy.

Barry Dave


Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.

Barry Dave


Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Barry Dave


per year.

Barry Dave


If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Barry Dave


Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Barry Dave


Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Barry Dave


What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Barry Dave


Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Barry Dave


Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Barry Dave


Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Barry Dave


I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Barry Dave


Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

Barry Dave


Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Barry Dave


Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Barry Dave


Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Barry Dave


Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Barry Dave


Turn the other cheek.

Barry Dave


Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Barry Dave


Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Barry Dave


A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Barry Dave


Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Barry Dave


What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Barry Dave


Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

Barry Dave


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Barry Dave


Never promise more than you can perform.

Barry Dave


You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Barry Dave


No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

Barry Dave


The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

Barry Dave


Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Barry Dave


The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

Barry Dave


Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Barry Dave


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Barry Dave


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Barry Dave


An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Barry Dave


You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Barry Dave


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Barry Dave


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Barry Dave


The course of true anything never does run smooth.

Barry Dave


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Barry Dave


A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Barry Dave


He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Barry Dave


You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Barry Dave


Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Barry Dave


"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Barry Dave


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Butler Dave


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Dave


XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

Dave Barry


He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Johnson Dave


One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Millman Dave


Nothing endures but change.

Parnas Dave


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Thomas Dave


All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

de Dave Johnson on





Random Quote


Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc
Ellison Harlan

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave
 
 
 
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