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Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Ba Dave


I am a deeply superficial person.

Barry Dave


It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Barry Dave


English literature's performing flea.

Barry Dave


Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Barry Dave


The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Barry Dave


The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not c

Barry Dave


Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Barry Dave


Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Barry Dave


Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.

Barry Dave


The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Barry Dave


The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

Barry Dave


Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Barry Dave


Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.

Barry Dave


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Barry Dave


Three things have been difficult to tame: The oceans, fools, and women. We may soon be able to tame the ocean. Fools and women will take a little longer.

Barry Dave


The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

Barry Dave


I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

Barry Dave


A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which was intended for her preservation.

Barry Dave


Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Barry Dave


He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.

Barry Dave


Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

Barry Dave


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Barry Dave


Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

Barry Dave


When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Barry Dave


My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Barry Dave


You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.

Barry Dave


Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

Barry Dave


"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet

Barry Dave


Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Barry Dave


It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Barry Dave


Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Barry Dave


The fact that it works is immaterial.

Barry Dave


He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

Barry Dave


HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

Barry Dave


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Barry Dave


Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.

Barry Dave


Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Barry Dave


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Barry Dave


There's no such thing as an original sin.

Barry Dave


Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.

Barry Dave


The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

Barry Dave


XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Barry Dave


In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.

Barry Dave


The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

Barry Dave


Texas is Hell on woman and horses.

Barry Dave


Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

Barry Dave


A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Barry Dave


It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

Barry Dave


I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Barry Dave


A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Butler Dave


A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Dave


Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Dave Barry


Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

Johnson Dave


You can never do just one thing.

Millman Dave


If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Parnas Dave


You roll my log, and I will roll yours.

Thomas Dave


Who's scruffy-looking?

de Dave Johnson on





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The future is a race between education and catastrophe.
Wells H.G.

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave
 
 
 
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