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You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Ba Dave


Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.

Barry Dave


Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

Barry Dave


America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

Barry Dave


A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Barry Dave


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Barry Dave


The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Barry Dave


The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Barry Dave


Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Barry Dave


There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Barry Dave


Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Barry Dave


Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Barry Dave


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Barry Dave


Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Barry Dave


What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

Barry Dave


We should have a great many fewer disputes in the world if only words were taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things themselves.

Barry Dave


A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Barry Dave


A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Barry Dave


Think sideways!

Barry Dave


When in doubt, use brute force.

Barry Dave


Harp not on that string.

Barry Dave


Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.

Barry Dave


To be or not to be.

Barry Dave


Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Barry Dave


A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.

Barry Dave


The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Barry Dave


All Gods were immortal.

Barry Dave


A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Barry Dave


The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.

Barry Dave


Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Barry Dave


The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

Barry Dave


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Barry Dave


If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.

Barry Dave


It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

Barry Dave


Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Barry Dave


question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;

Barry Dave


The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Barry Dave


Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

Barry Dave


Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Barry Dave


You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Barry Dave


It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.

Barry Dave


The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

Barry Dave


Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Barry Dave


We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Barry Dave


God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Barry Dave


Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

Barry Dave


I stick my neck out for nobody.

Barry Dave


"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Barry Dave


Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

Barry Dave


People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

Barry Dave


The Least Successful Police Dogs America has a very strong candidate in "La Dur", a fearsome looking schnauzer hound, who was retired from the Orlando police force in Florida in 1978. He consistently refused to do anything which might ruffle or of

Butler Dave


I hate dying.

Dave


You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

Dave Barry


The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Johnson Dave


Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty Often have a share in their misfortunes.

Millman Dave


A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Parnas Dave


Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

Thomas Dave


A sinking ship gathers no moss.

de Dave Johnson on





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It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
Allen Henry

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave
 
 
 
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