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If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Ba Dave


The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Barry Dave


Innovation is hard to schedule.

Barry Dave


Look before you leap.

Barry Dave


There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

Barry Dave


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Barry Dave


A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

Barry Dave


Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Barry Dave


Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Barry Dave


Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Barry Dave


The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Barry Dave


"Somewhere", said Father Vittorini, "did Blake not speak of the Machineries of Joy? That is, did not God promote environments, then intimidate these Natures by provoking the existence of flesh, toy men and women, such as are we all? And thus happi

Barry Dave


I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

Barry Dave


You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.

Barry Dave


... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of prob

Barry Dave


Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

Barry Dave


"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

Barry Dave


Rembrandt is not to be compared in the painting of character with our extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.

Barry Dave


"There is a God, but He drinks"

Barry Dave


You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Barry Dave


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Barry Dave


Why are you doing this to me? Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before there is change.

Barry Dave


The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Barry Dave


Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Barry Dave


A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

Barry Dave


When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Barry Dave


per year.

Barry Dave


What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

Barry Dave


"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

Barry Dave


Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

Barry Dave


Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Barry Dave


Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Barry Dave


Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

Barry Dave


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Barry Dave


True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Barry Dave


Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered samples of learning must go to the same ass

Barry Dave


The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

Barry Dave


When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

Barry Dave


Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Barry Dave


Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Barry Dave


Prizes are for children.

Barry Dave


Would it help if I got out and pushed?

Barry Dave


Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Barry Dave


The major sin is the sin of being born.

Barry Dave


I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

Barry Dave


Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did

Barry Dave


Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Barry Dave


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Barry Dave


Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

Barry Dave


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Barry Dave


Anything is possible on paper.

Butler Dave


In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Dave


We ... make the modern error of dignifying the Individual. We do everything we can to butter him up. We give him a name, assure him that he has certain inalienable rights, educate him, let him pass on his name to his brats and when he dies we give

Dave Barry


All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.

Johnson Dave


Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

Millman Dave


The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Parnas Dave


Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Thomas Dave


An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

de Dave Johnson on





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deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
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