We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Necessity hath no law.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

The best you get is an even break.

The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

Never promise more than you can perform.

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Nothing succeeds like excess.

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

What fools these mortals be.

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

May you live in uninteresting times.

Great acts are made up of small deeds.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Yawd [noun, Bostonese]: the campus of Have Id.

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd w

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.