A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Sometimes, too long is too long.

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.

If you want divine justice, die.

A diplomat's life consists of three things: protocol, Geritol, and alcohol.

I stick my neck out for nobody.

They use different words for things in America. For instance they say elevator and we say lift. They say drapes and we say curtains. They say president and we say brain damaged git.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

"We should declare war on North Vietnam. We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

The best case: Get salary from America, build a house in England, live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food. Pretty good case: Get salary from England, build a house in America, live with a Chinese wife, and eat Japanese food. The wo

No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.

"Rights" is a fictional abstraction. No one has "Rights", neither machines nor flesh-and-blood. Persons... have opportunities, not rights, which they use or do not use.

In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes.

When you're in command, command.

The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Our swords shall play the orators for us.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Never laugh at live dragons.

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles.

Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will have a high-level meeting.

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma