Haste makes waste.

Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

In my end is my beginning.

Faith is under the left nipple.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

While there's life, there's hope.

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.

Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Out of sight is out of mind.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

To lead people, you must follow behind.

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Things are not always what they seem.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Don't guess

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

You cannot see the wood for the trees.