God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Words have a longer life than deeds.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Small is beautiful.

Well begun is half done.

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

Practice yourself what you preach.

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

One good turn asketh another.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

What we do not understand we do not possess.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Save the Whales

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Look before you leap.