I'll turn over a new leaf.

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Never promise more than you can perform.

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

When the sun shineth, make hay.

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

One good turn asketh another.

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Another day, another dollar.

Governor Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash. I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

All is well that ends well.

Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Nice guys finish last.

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Real wealth can only increase.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

In charity there is no excess.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.

To add insult to injury.

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used