Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

If you want divine justice, die.

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

Such evil deeds could religion prompt.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

I think we're in trouble.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion.

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.

Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet

I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

People in general do not willingly read if they have anything else to amuse them.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Never buy from a rich salesman.

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

Beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of hell.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general education and culture.

Your wig steers the gig.

Confucius say too much.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.