Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.

The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree."

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

To think contrary to one's era is heroism. But to speak against it is madness.

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

I had never been too political, but I knew how white people treated black people and it was hard for me to come back to the bullshit white people put a black person through in this country. To realize you don't have any power to make things differen

To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.

The major sin is the sin of being born.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

What, after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean.

The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of Judgement Day. For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by mid-afternoon had blackened over s

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

All is well that ends well.

[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.

Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty Often have a share in their misfortunes.

We have art that we do not die of the truth.

If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie.

The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.

Poverty must have its satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.