Housework can kill you if done right.

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Nothing succeeds like success.

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

A man's house is his castle.

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Love the sea? I dote upon it

Necessity has no law.

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

Real wealth can only increase.

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Words have a longer life than deeds.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

You get what you pay for.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Genius is pain.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.