If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

The farther you go, the less you know.

For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

To have died once is enough.

In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

How should they answer?

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Nothing endures but change.

"Are you police officers?" "No, ma'am. We're musicians."

To know Edina is to reject it.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

General notions are generally wrong.

Talkers are no good doers.

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

There is always something new out of Africa.

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

All art is but imitation of nature.

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

I will make you shorter by the head.

You cannot see the wood for the trees.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.