The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Genius is pain.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Sometimes, too long is too long.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

"You boys lookin' for trouble?" "Sure. Whaddya got?"

The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

Two heads are better than one.

We have art that we do not die of the truth.

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd w

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

While there's life, there's hope.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.