Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Small is beautiful.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Persistence in one opinion has never been considered a merit in political leaders.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management.

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

May you live in uninteresting times.

What's a cult? It just means not enough people to make a minority.

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

Never promise more than you can perform.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?

"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts."

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

What kind of sordid business are you on now? I mean, man, whither goest thou? Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?

There's small choice in rotten apples.

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Man is the measure of all things.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.