In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be mud." And there was mud. And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud can see what we have done." And God created every living creature that now moveth, and

Things past redress and now with me past care.

To use violence is to already be defeated.

"What are you watching?" "I don't know." "Well, what's happening?" "I'm not sure... I think the guy in the hat did something terrible." "Why are you watching it?" "You're so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

Long ago I proposed that unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency be quietly hanged, as a matter of public sanitation and decorum. The sight of their grief must have a very evil effect upon the young.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.

No evil can happen to a good man.

The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. But we may hope that the dawn of reason and

Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

In the long run we are all dead.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

No two persons ever read the same book.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

The dirty work at political conventions is almost always done in the grim hours between midnight and dawn. Hangmen and politicians work best when the human spirit is at its lowest ebb.

You can't underestimate the power of fear.

Faith is under the left nipple.

America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned, and the scum rises to the top.

They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

One good turn deserves another.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

Robert Kennedy's 1964 Senatorial campaign planners told him that their intention was to present him to the television viewers as a sincere, generous person. "You going to use a double?" asked Kennedy. Thumbing through a promotional pamphlet prep

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling.

The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

That's where the money was.

What we do not understand we do not possess.

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

Patch griefs with proverbs.

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.

Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.

Look before you leap.

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

"My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think of saying, except in a desperate case. It is like saying "My mother, drunk or sober."