Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

If you hype something and it succeeds, you're a genius

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Getting into trouble is easy.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]