I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;

Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.

"The State of California has no business subsidizing intellectual curiosity."

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

Look ere ye leap.

I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass.

The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

What good is it if you talk in flowers, and they think in pastry?

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behaviour.

War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Better the prince of some inferior court, Than second, or less, in beatific light.

The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

A light wife doth make a heavy husband.

It pays in England to be a revolutionary and a bible-smacker most of one's life and then come round.

Too much is just enough.

The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that "If I had w

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

How should they answer?

If Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is not by some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.

You won't skid if you stay in a rut.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

"I don't know whether God exists or not, but it makes no difference to me." "It's not like He's passing out free money or anything."

The goys have proven the following theorem...

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

If there is no wind, row.

[Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.

You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

The nearer to the church, the further from God.

It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.

The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

They use different words for things in America. For instance they say elevator and we say lift. They say drapes and we say curtains. They say president and we say brain damaged git.

We have art that we do not die of the truth.

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

You never gain something but that you lose something.

"God gives burdens; also shoulders" Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the end of the 1980 election. At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I can't find it anywhere. I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why wo

"First World" nations are the ones where people drive Japanese cars; "Second World" nations are where First World residents go on vacation; and "Third World" nations are the ones where people still dive out of trees to prove their manhood.

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.

The world has many unintentionally cruel mechanisms that are not designed for people who walk on their hands.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.

We'll be recording at the Paradise Friday night. Live, on the Death label.

There is perhaps in every thing of any consequence, secret history, which it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

All is well that ends well.

[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Knowledge is power.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Your wig steers the gig.

Harp not on that string.

The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"

[The members of the Chamberlain government] are decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, all-powerful for impotency.

Vote early and vote often.

I love treason but hate a traitor.

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... se

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

We have no scorched earth policy. We have a policy of scorched Communists.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity. To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.

The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

What!? Me worry?

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.