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If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Adams John


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Adams John Quincy


If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Altgeld John


When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Berryman John


I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Bon John Dillinger on


The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Brow John Mason


Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Brow John Mason


Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Brunner John


What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Cage John


He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Cage John


The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Carson Johnny


Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Carson Johnny


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Carson Johnny


He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Carson Johnny


The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

Ch St. John


Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Cheever John


Think sideways!

Ciardi John


In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Ciardi John


A full belly makes a dull brain.

Ciardi John


... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Croll John


A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Dewey John


The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Diefenbaker John


Nothing succeeds like excess.

Dillinger John


Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Elizabeth John Greenway


Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Fisher John


Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Florio John


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Foreman John


One good turn asketh another.

Galbraith John Kenneth


Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Galbraith John Kenneth


Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Galbraith John Kenneth


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Galsworthy John


Business will be either better or worse.

Hart Johnny


Knowledge is power.

Heywood John


Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Heywood John


It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Heywood John


Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Heywood John


Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Heywood John


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Heywood John


Great acts are made up of small deeds.

Heywood John


British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Heywood John


An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

Heywood John


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Heywood John


Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Heywood John


The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Heywood John


Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

Heywood John


The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Heywood John


The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Heywood John


If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Heywood John


The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Hinckley John


"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Irving John


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

John Ball


A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

John Barrymore


The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

John Denver


I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

John Dewey


When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

John Donne


Piece of cake!

John Gardner


The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

John Hunt British


"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

John Kennedy


It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

John Kenneth Galbraith


A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

John LeCarre


Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

John Lightfoot


If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

John The Dragon to Grendel in


Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Johnson Dave


A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Johnson Dr.


The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.

Johnson Dr.


Necessity hath no law.

Johnson Lyndon Baines


Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Johnson S.


Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Johnson Samuel


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Johnson Samuel


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Johnson Samuel


Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Johnson Samuel


Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

Johnson Samuel


Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

Johnson Samuel


If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Johnson Samuel


In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Johnson


Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Johnson Lyndon


Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Johnston M. M.


When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Ke John F.


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Keats John


Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Kennedy John F.


As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Kennedy John F.


A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Kennedy John F.


Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Kennedy John F.


The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb

Kennedy John Fitzgerald


The major sin is the sin of being born.

Kennedy John


Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Keynes John Maynard


Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

Keynes John Maynard


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Keynes John Maynard


If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Lehman John


Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Lennon John


When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Lennon John


Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Lilly John


Most general statements are false, including this one.

Locke John


Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Lubbock John


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Lyly John


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Mill John Stuart


Well begun is half done.

Milton John


The first requisite for immortality is death.

Milton John


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Milton John


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Morley John Viscount


Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

O'Hara John


When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Physicist John von Neumann


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Pollard John G.


Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Pope John Paul


There is no proverb that is not true.

Rockefeller John D.


A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Samuel Johnson


You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Sinclair John


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Sloan John


Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Steinbeck John


Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Storm Johnny


Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Swayze John Cameron


America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Updike John


My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Updike John


A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

Whorfin Lord John


You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

de Dave Johnson on





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