Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

I hate quotations.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Haste makes waste.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had

What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

How apt the poor are to be proud.

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Never promise more than you can perform.

Yawd [noun, Bostonese]: the campus of Have Id.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

The faster we go, the rounder we get.

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

If I had any humility I would be perfect.

I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to

To lead people, you must follow behind.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circum- stances being what they

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

To do two things at once is to do neither.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

"Are you police officers?" "No, ma'am. We're musicians."

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

I am a deeply superficial person.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

In the long run we are all dead.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

A witty saying proves nothing.

You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

The only certainty is that nothing is certain.

The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not c

Another day, another dollar.

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

You get what you pay for.

Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.