A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Shame is an improper emotion invented by pietists to oppress the human race.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends.

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

I've got a very bad feeling about this.

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Oh this age! How tasteless and ill-bred it is.

Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre! [It is magnificent, but it is not war]

The clergy successfully preached the doctrines of patience and pusillanimity; the active virtues of society were discouraged; and the last remains of a military spirit were buried in the cloister: a large portion of public and private wealth was cons

Practice is the best of all instructors.

A rich man told me recently that a liberal is a man who tells other people what to do with their money.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

I would not like to be a political leader in Russia. They never know when they're being taped.

Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

Don't take a nickel, just hand them your business card.