I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Goose pimples rose all over me, my hair stood on end, my eyes filled with tears of love and gratitude for this greatest of all conquerers of human misery and shame, and my breath came in little gasps. If I had not known that the Leader would have sc

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

I shall give a propagandist reason for starting the war, no matter whether it is plausible or not. The victor will not be asked afterwards whether he told the truth or not. When starting and waging war it is not right that matters, but victory.

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

Every cloud engenders not a storm.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

You can build a throne out of bayonets, but you can't sit on it for very long.

Why was I born with such contemporaries?

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.

Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree."

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Thinking you know something is a sure way to blind yourself.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Nobody shot me.

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.