Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Things are not always what they seem.

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

To be or not to be.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Necessity hath no law.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.