Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Home is where the hurt is.

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Leave no stone unturned.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

No evil can happen to a good man.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

What one fool can do, another can.

In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. In dealing with others, be gentle and kind. In speech, be true. In work, be competent. In action, be careful of your timing.

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

While there's life, there's hope.

Necessity hath no law.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

We're all in this alone.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

CF&C stole it, fair and square.

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Go away, I'm all right.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.