When in doubt, tell the truth.

Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

When in doubt, use brute force.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

When the sun shineth, make hay.

A dead man cannot bite.