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Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Bach J.S.


Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Burroughs William S.


Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

Eliot T.S.


Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

Eliot T.S.


What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Eliot T.S.


It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

Gilbert W.S.


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Harper Lucille S.


Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Hayakawa S.I.


[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Hunter S. Thompson


The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Johnson S.


Don't say "yes" until I finish talking.

Kaufman George S.


Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

Kierkegaard S.


Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.

Knapp R.S.


My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.

Koblas G.S.


The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

Krabill W.S.


He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general education and culture.

Lewis C.S.


It is either through the influence of narcotic potions, of which all primitive peoples and races speak in hymns, or through the powerful approach of spring, penetrating with joy all of nature, that those Dionysian stirrings arise, which in their int

Lewis C.S.


Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.

Maugham W.S.


Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

Perelman S.J.


Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

S. Paige


When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

Surtees R.S.


The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

T.S. Eliot


Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Thompson Dr. Hunter S.


If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means.

Thompson H.S.


Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered samples of learning must go to the same ass

Thompson Hunter S.


There are no answers, only cross-references.

Thompson Hunter S.


My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Truman Harry S.


There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion.

Truman Harry S.


The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.

Truman Harry S.


The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Truman Harry S.


You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt.

Truman President Harry S.


Everyone is in the best seat.

William S. Paley


God helps them that help themselves.

regulations. check your security





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Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.
Picasso

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
S. Paige
 
 
 
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