I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

What good is it if you talk in flowers, and they think in pastry?

Nothing succeeds like success.

You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form. The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish betwe

If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.

Mr. Salter's side of the conversation was limited to expressions of assent. When Lord Copper was right he said "Definitely, Lord Copper"; when he was wrong, "Up to a point." "Let me see, what's the name of the place I mean? Capital of Japan? Yokoh

The government [is] extremely fond of amassing great quantities of statistics. These are raised to the nth degree, the cube roots are extracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and impressive displays. What must be kept ever in mind, how

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Well begun is half done.

I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

The faster we go, the rounder we get.

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

And what accomplished villains these old engineers were! What diabolical ways to sabotage they found! Nikolai Karlovich von Meck, of the People's Comissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the economic problems involved in

It is better to have loved and lost

"Plaese porrf raed."

One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his

Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

What we do not understand we do not possess.