Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.

Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.

"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the cost to others, to win advancement."

What we wish, that we readily believe.

I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked.

Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

A sect or party is an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is generally promoting a falsehood, isn't it?

Man's unique agony as a species consists in his perpetual conflict between the desire to stand out and the need to blend in.

We should have a Vollyballocracy. We elect a six-pack of presidents. Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate.

[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven!

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

Just weigh your own hurt against the hurt of all the others, and then do what's best.

If you don't count some of Jehovah's injunctions, there are no humorists in the Bible.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

I'm not sure I've even got the brains to be President.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

People say I live in my own little fantasy world... well, at least they *know* me there!

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

When the sun shineth, make hay.

If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom.

They also serve who only stand and wait.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought, a rivalry of aim.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

Majorities, of course, start with minorities.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

Nothing succeeds like success.

The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call this their point of view.

Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood.

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

The Least Successful Collector Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of t

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.