Man is the measure of all things.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Poverty must have its satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.

All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

Getting into trouble is easy.

I use not only all the brains I have, but all those I can borrow as well.

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it. No citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining his government.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

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I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

No good deed goes unpunished.

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

Out of sight is out of mind.

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

What good is it if you talk in flowers, and they think in pastry?

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on

The only cultural advantage LA has over NY is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

They're giving bank robbing a bad name.

Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.

Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

It is better to have loved and lost

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

... the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in charity we can only call "inhuman."

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it.

The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.

"That's no answer," Job said, "And for someone who's supposed to be omnipotent, let me tell you 'tabernacle' has only one l."

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.