"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

All phone calls are obscene.

Too much is just enough.

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. [If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.]

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Just as most issues are seldom black or white, so are most good solutions seldom black or white. Beware of the solution that requires one side to be totally the loser and the other side to be totally the winner. The reason there are two sides to be

When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.

Charity begins at home.

Heaven and earth were created all together in the same instant, on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

It is convenient that there be gods, and, as it is convenient, let us believe there are.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

Free Speech Is The Right To Shout 'Theater' In A Crowded Fire.

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Ever get the feeling that the world's on tape and one of the reels is missing?

You get what you pay for.

If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

I would much rather have men ask why I have no statue, than why I have one.

The ripest fruit falls first.

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

There is no proverb that is not true.

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

Under every stone lurks a politician.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.

If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.

If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

English literature's performing flea.

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.

What one fool can do, another can.

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

"I don't know whether God exists or not, but it makes no difference to me." "It's not like He's passing out free money or anything."

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag