A man's house is his castle.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Faith is under the left nipple.

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

One learns to itch where one can scratch.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Business will be either better or worse.

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Leave no stone unturned.

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Fear is the greatest salesman.

Never promise more than you can perform.

The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Better late than never.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.