If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short