A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.

Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty Often have a share in their misfortunes.

No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.

When, in 1964, New Hampshire Republican Senator Norris Cotton announced his support of Bary Goldwater in his state's primary election, he was questioned as to whether this indicated a change of his hitherto "liberal" political views. "Well," expla

Language is a virus from another planet.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.

I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

If you catch a man, throw him back.

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more.

We should have a Vollyballocracy. We elect a six-pack of presidents. Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate.

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.