Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

One big pile is better than two little piles.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.