We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Look before you leap.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

I hate quotations.

We're all in this alone.

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!