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I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Allen Woody


None love the bearer of bad news.

Allen Woody


There are people who find it odd to eat four or five Chinese meals in a row; in China, I often remind them, there are a billion or so people who find nothing odd about it.

Allen Woody


"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Allen Woody


Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd w

Allen Woody


XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Allen Woody


The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Allen Woody


To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Allen Woody


There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Allen Woody


Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Allen Woody


There is no proverb that is not true.

Allen Woody


If Christianity was morality, Socrates would be the Saviour.

Allen Woody


The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Allen Woody


If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

Allen Woody


An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

Allen Woody


Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

Allen Woody


If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

Allen Woody


It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.

Woody Allen


Once I belonged to a group that really had THE WORD. I fought like hell for them. But another group came along and exposed the word of my group as shallow and degenerate. They had a better word. So I quit the first group and lost all the friends

Woody Allen


All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

Woody Allen





Random Quote


A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]
prayer Medieval

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Allen Woody
 
 
 
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