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We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Allen Woody


Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

Allen Woody


Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Allen Woody


Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do.

Allen Woody


I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Allen Woody


Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Allen Woody


For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Allen Woody


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Allen Woody


Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Allen Woody


Beggars should be no choosers.

Allen Woody


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Allen Woody


Many hands make light work.

Allen Woody


Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Allen Woody


Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Allen Woody


It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Allen Woody


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Allen Woody


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Allen Woody


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Woody Allen


"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Woody Allen


... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Woody Allen





Random Quote


The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the House Un-American Activities Committee]. We will determine what rights you have and what rights you have not got.
Thomas J. Parnell

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Allen Woody
 
 
 
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