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"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Ambrose Bierce


He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.

Ambrose Bierce


The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

Ambrose Bierce


Uppers are no longer stylish, methedrine is almost as rare as pure acid or DMT. "Consciousness Expansion" went out with LBJ and it is worth noting, historically, that downers came in with Nixon.

Ambrose Bierce


I dote on his very absence.

Ambrose Bierce


Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.

Ambrose Bierce


Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

Bierce Ambrose


Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Bierce Ambrose


There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"

Bierce Ambrose


Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Bierce Ambrose


In charity there is no excess.

Bierce Ambrose


If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Bierce Ambrose


I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Bierce Ambrose


Naturally the common people don't want war... but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or

Bierce Ambrose


Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in, but when they are out they are another's.

Bierce Ambrose


The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Bierce Ambrose





Random Quote


Any president should have the right to shoot at least two people a year without explanation.
Herbert Hoover

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Ambrose Bierce
 
 
 
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