Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

Practice is the best of all instructors.

Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

Who's scruffy-looking?

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.