A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

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But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

"A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police."

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

If Jesus Christ came to this town, people would say, great guy; terrible carpenter.

What fools these mortals be.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

English literature's performing flea.

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

The man who runs may fight again.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Praise the sea; on shore remain.

Better late than never.