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Don't guess

Ba Dave


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Barry Dave


There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Barry Dave


Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Barry Dave


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Barry Dave


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Barry Dave


I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Barry Dave


What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Barry Dave


I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Barry Dave


If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

Barry Dave


The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some.

Barry Dave


"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

Barry Dave


If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Barry Dave


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Barry Dave


Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Barry Dave


Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

Barry Dave


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Barry Dave


No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Barry Dave


I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Barry Dave


If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Barry Dave


Events are not affected, they develop.

Barry Dave


Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

Barry Dave


I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

Barry Dave


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Barry Dave


Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Barry Dave


You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Barry Dave


Imagine what we can imagine!

Barry Dave


Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Barry Dave


Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Barry Dave


Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Barry Dave


He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

Barry Dave


There is no sin but ignorance.

Barry Dave


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Barry Dave


Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Barry Dave


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Barry Dave


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Barry Dave


I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Barry Dave


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Barry Dave


Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Barry Dave


History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.

Barry Dave


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Barry Dave


Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Barry Dave


If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Barry Dave


Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Barry Dave


When in doubt, use brute force.

Barry Dave


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Barry Dave


I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Barry Dave


Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Barry Dave


Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Barry Dave


Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Barry Dave


I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Dave Barry





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Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.
Dyke Henry Van

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Ba Dave
 
 
 
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