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A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Ba Dave


IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Barry Dave


Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Barry Dave


Work Hard. Rock Hard. Eat Hard. Sleep Hard. Grow Big. Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.

Barry Dave


Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!

Barry Dave


But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

Barry Dave


"A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police."

Barry Dave


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Barry Dave


"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Barry Dave


If Jesus Christ came to this town, people would say, great guy; terrible carpenter.

Barry Dave


What fools these mortals be.

Barry Dave


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Barry Dave


Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Barry Dave


Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Barry Dave


Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Barry Dave


Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Barry Dave


Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Barry Dave


You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Barry Dave


Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

Barry Dave


Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Barry Dave


Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.

Barry Dave


The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Barry Dave


Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Barry Dave


I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Barry Dave


The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Barry Dave


A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Barry Dave


Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Barry Dave


Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Barry Dave


One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

Barry Dave


This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Barry Dave


Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

Barry Dave


In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the crunch he was all courag

Barry Dave


Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

Barry Dave


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Barry Dave


It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Barry Dave


English literature's performing flea.

Barry Dave


The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

Barry Dave


I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Barry Dave


I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Barry Dave


The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Barry Dave


Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

Barry Dave


The man who runs may fight again.

Barry Dave


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Barry Dave


America, how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood?

Barry Dave


...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Barry Dave


I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

Barry Dave


What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

Barry Dave


Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Barry Dave


True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Barry Dave


Praise the sea; on shore remain.

Barry Dave


Better late than never.

Dave Barry





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It's our fault. We should have given him better parts.
Warner Jack

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Ba Dave
 
 
 
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