Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Charity begins at home.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Your wig steers the gig.

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Better late than never.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

You get what you pay for.

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.