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There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Ba Dave


The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Barry Dave


Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

Barry Dave


Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

Barry Dave


Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

Barry Dave


The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

Barry Dave


Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Barry Dave


The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Barry Dave


Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Barry Dave


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Barry Dave


In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Barry Dave


Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Barry Dave


A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

Barry Dave


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Barry Dave


"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

Barry Dave


Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

Barry Dave


Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.

Barry Dave


This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Barry Dave


Honesty's the best policy.

Barry Dave


My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Barry Dave


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Barry Dave


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Barry Dave


"Life is too important to take seriously."

Barry Dave


Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Barry Dave


Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

Barry Dave


We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

Barry Dave


Set the cart before the horse.

Barry Dave


While there's life, there's hope.

Barry Dave


Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

Barry Dave


Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Barry Dave


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Barry Dave


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Barry Dave


Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Barry Dave


The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Barry Dave


What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

Barry Dave


'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Barry Dave


Barry Dave


Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Barry Dave


You can never do just one thing.

Barry Dave


A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Barry Dave


If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Barry Dave


Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Barry Dave


Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Barry Dave


But you shall not escape my iambics.

Barry Dave


There must be more to life than having everything.

Barry Dave


You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Barry Dave


The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.

Barry Dave


The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.

Barry Dave


The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Barry Dave


A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Barry Dave


The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Dave Barry





Random Quote


"If we relied conclusively on scientific data for every one of our findings, I'm afraid all of our work would be inconclusive."
Hudson Henry

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Ba Dave
 
 
 
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