Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

If you want divine justice, die.

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Set the cart before the horse.

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

The more the merrier.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Praise the sea; on shore remain.

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.