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Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Barry Dave


The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Barry Dave


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Barry Dave


Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

Barry Dave


It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Barry Dave


I owe the public nothing.

Barry Dave


The streets were dark with something more than night.

Barry Dave


I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Barry Dave


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Barry Dave


The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Barry Dave


Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Barry Dave


Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Barry Dave


There seems no plan because it is all plan.

Barry Dave


The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

Barry Dave


It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Barry Dave


I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

Barry Dave


The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

Barry Dave


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Barry Dave


In my end is my beginning.

Barry Dave


Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

Barry Dave


If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

Barry Dave


One big pile is better than two little piles.

Barry Dave


An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Barry Dave


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Barry Dave


Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Barry Dave


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Barry Dave


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Barry Dave


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Barry Dave


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Barry Dave


Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

Barry Dave


Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

Barry Dave


They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

Barry Dave


Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Barry Dave


The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Barry Dave


What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

Barry Dave


Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Barry Dave


What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

Barry Dave


... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Barry Dave


One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

Barry Dave


The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Barry Dave


Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Barry Dave


XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Barry Dave


Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Barry Dave


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Barry Dave


When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Barry Dave


Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Barry Dave


It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

Barry Dave


Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Barry Dave


The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Barry Dave


Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Dave Barry





Random Quote


Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used
Ian Anderson of

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Barry Dave
 
 
 
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