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Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

Barry Dave


All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Barry Dave


There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Barry Dave


You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Barry Dave


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Barry Dave


We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Barry Dave


The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Barry Dave


"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Barry Dave


If you want divine justice, die.

Barry Dave


By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Barry Dave


When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Barry Dave


As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Barry Dave


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Barry Dave


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Barry Dave


Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Barry Dave


Barry Dave


Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

Barry Dave


The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Barry Dave


Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Barry Dave


The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Barry Dave


God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

Barry Dave


Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Barry Dave


Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

Barry Dave


The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Barry Dave


It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Barry Dave


Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Barry Dave


Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Barry Dave


Set the cart before the horse.

Barry Dave


Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Barry Dave


If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Barry Dave


I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

Barry Dave


The more the merrier.

Barry Dave


A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Barry Dave


Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

Barry Dave


Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Barry Dave


Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Barry Dave


Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Barry Dave


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Barry Dave


Praise the sea; on shore remain.

Barry Dave


"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Barry Dave


Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Barry Dave


Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Barry Dave


We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Barry Dave


Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Barry Dave


The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Barry Dave


An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Barry Dave


Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Barry Dave


A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

Barry Dave


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Barry Dave


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Dave Barry





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Don't guess
regulations. check your security

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Barry Dave
 
 
 
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