It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.

Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality. All proffered samples of learning must go to the same ass

In charity there is no excess.

One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike."

The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

You'd best be snoozin', 'cause you don't be gettin' no work done at 5 a.m. anyway.

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Do you mean that you not only want a wrong answer, but a certain wrong answer?

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

How many "coming men" has one known! Where on earth do they all go to?

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Don't say "yes" until I finish talking.

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for: If they think you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude. I'm a very technical

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in the USA. The remainder is thrown out. Republicans usu

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

It is not the critic who counts, or how the strong man stumbled, or whether the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives vali

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

He jests at scars who never felt a wound.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

The perfect friend sees the best in you

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

Under every stone lurks a politician.

The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones.

My experience with government is when things are non-controversial, beautifully co-ordinated and all the rest, it must be that not much is going on.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.