The politician is someone who deals in man's problems of adjustment. To ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog.

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.

Your wig steers the gig.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

We have gone on piling weapon upon weapon, missile upon missile, new levels of destructiveness upon old ones. We have done this helplessly, almost involuntarily: like the victims of some sort of hypnotism, like men in a dream, like lemmings heading

The coast was clear.

Leave no stone unturned.

You roll my log, and I will roll yours.

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk.

Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating."

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."

To be or not to be.

"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike."

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Don't get mad, get even.

Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

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We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness th

Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans; it's lovely to be silly at the right moment.

Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to set a bad example.

All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

If Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is not by some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.

The very first essential for success is a perpetually constant and regular employment of violence.