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Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Barry Dave


Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Barry Dave


You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Barry Dave


Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Barry Dave


All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Barry Dave


No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Barry Dave


It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Barry Dave


A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

Barry Dave


You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Barry Dave


... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Barry Dave


I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Barry Dave


Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

Barry Dave


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Barry Dave


To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Barry Dave


If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Barry Dave


If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Barry Dave


Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

Barry Dave


The first requisite for immortality is death.

Barry Dave


Well begun is half done.

Barry Dave


There must be more to life than having everything.

Barry Dave


"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Barry Dave


'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Barry Dave


Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Barry Dave


Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Barry Dave


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Barry Dave


Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Barry Dave


Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Barry Dave


The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Barry Dave


Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.

Barry Dave


It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Barry Dave


There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over.

Barry Dave


Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Barry Dave


Nothing recedes like success.

Barry Dave


We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Barry Dave


Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Barry Dave


... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Barry Dave


The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Barry Dave


Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Barry Dave


It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

Barry Dave


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Barry Dave


If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Barry Dave


Love the sea? I dote upon it

Barry Dave


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Barry Dave


The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Barry Dave


"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Barry Dave


Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

Barry Dave


Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd w

Barry Dave


"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Barry Dave


We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

Barry Dave


Language is a virus from another planet.

Dave Barry





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Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.
Santayana George

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Barry Dave
 
 
 
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