Rotten wood cannot be carved.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

I owe the public nothing.

The streets were dark with something more than night.

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

In my end is my beginning.

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.

If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

One big pile is better than two little piles.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!