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The optimum committee has no members.

Barry Dave


If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Barry Dave


... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Barry Dave


Sometimes, too long is too long.

Barry Dave


VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

Barry Dave


Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

Barry Dave


Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Barry Dave


Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Barry Dave


To have died once is enough.

Barry Dave


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Barry Dave


Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Barry Dave


Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Barry Dave


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Barry Dave


If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

Barry Dave


Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

Barry Dave


In breeding cattle you need one bull for every twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts.

Barry Dave


It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Barry Dave


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Barry Dave


In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Barry Dave


Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Barry Dave


With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

Barry Dave


The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

Barry Dave


My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Barry Dave


If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Barry Dave


Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

Barry Dave


It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

Barry Dave


The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Barry Dave


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Barry Dave


Most general statements are false, including this one.

Barry Dave


The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

Barry Dave


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Barry Dave


Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Barry Dave


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Barry Dave


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Barry Dave


Rome was not built in one day.

Barry Dave


There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Barry Dave


My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Barry Dave


When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Barry Dave


Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Barry Dave


To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Barry Dave


Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Barry Dave


Getting into trouble is easy.

Barry Dave


With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.

Barry Dave


Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Barry Dave


Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Barry Dave


Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Barry Dave


Nice guys finish last.

Barry Dave


The major sin is the sin of being born.

Barry Dave


Who's scruffy-looking?

Barry Dave


Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.

Dave Barry





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An idealist is one who helps the other fellow to make a profit.
Ford Henry

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Barry Dave
 
 
 
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