Necessity has no law.

Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles.

Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".

"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

The public demands certainties; it must be told definitely and a bit raucously that this is true and that is false. But there are no certainties.

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

... before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility. What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored? What did it matter who was manager? One gets sometimes s

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

A yawn is a silent shout.

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

There's small choice in rotten apples.

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

"Life is too important to take seriously."

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

A is for Apple.

Think sideways!

There is no act of treachery or mean-ness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.

Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

Once I belonged to a group that really had THE WORD. I fought like hell for them. But another group came along and exposed the word of my group as shallow and degenerate. They had a better word. So I quit the first group and lost all the friends

Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer. [If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.]

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.

It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.