Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

"That's no answer," Job said, "And for someone who's supposed to be omnipotent, let me tell you 'tabernacle' has only one l."

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend than be one.

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Law stands mute in the midst of arms.

You tread upon my patience.

We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science."

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.