Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"