The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems.

Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics.

Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I Will Fight No More Forever.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?!"

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Fraud is the homage that force pays to reason.

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on.

Having nothing, nothing can he lose.

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.