People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election.

If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

In my end is my beginning.

Many hands make light work.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any connection of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of religious teaching in state-maintained schools, the immediate and superficial answer is not far to seek. ... The

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me that I may s

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.