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The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Ambrose Bierce


The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.

Ambrose Bierce


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Ambrose Bierce


I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

Ambrose Bierce


In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."

Ambrose Bierce


Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Ambrose Bierce


Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Bierce Ambrose


If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Bierce Ambrose


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Bierce Ambrose


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Bierce Ambrose


What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

Bierce Ambrose


XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Bierce Ambrose


As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Bierce Ambrose


We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

Bierce Ambrose


The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Bierce Ambrose


America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Bierce Ambrose





Random Quote


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,
Frank Herbert

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Bierce Ambrose
 
 
 
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