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Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

Ambrose Bierce


Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

Ambrose Bierce


There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Ambrose Bierce


America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

Ambrose Bierce


A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Ambrose Bierce


A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Ambrose Bierce


There seems no plan because it is all plan.

Bierce Ambrose


The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

Bierce Ambrose


A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Bierce Ambrose


There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Bierce Ambrose


"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Bierce Ambrose


When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Bierce Ambrose


Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Bierce Ambrose


What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

Bierce Ambrose


Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Bierce Ambrose


"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

Bierce Ambrose





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Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!
The Squirrels

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Bierce Ambrose
 
 
 
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