The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men