What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't seem to work.

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.