Something better... 1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? 2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow. 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something l

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

Fraud is the homage that force pays to reason.

I will follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it if I can help it.

You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.

The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Fess: Well, you must admit there is something innately humorous about a man chasing an invention of his own halfway across the galaxy. Rod: Oh yeah, it's a million yuks, sure. But after all, isn't that the basic difference between robots and human

Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

You're either part of the solution or part of the problem.

They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi