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Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

Barry Dave


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Barry Dave


You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

Barry Dave


Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Barry Dave


A full belly makes a dull brain.

Barry Dave


Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

Barry Dave


The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

Barry Dave


Don't get mad, get even.

Barry Dave


The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Barry Dave


Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Barry Dave


Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Barry Dave


A place for everything and everything in its place.

Barry Dave


XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Barry Dave


If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Barry Dave


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Barry Dave


If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.

Barry Dave


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Barry Dave


The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

Barry Dave


A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Barry Dave


Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Barry Dave


If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Barry Dave


The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Barry Dave


Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Barry Dave


It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Barry Dave


An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

Barry Dave


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Barry Dave


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Barry Dave


The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Barry Dave


A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Barry Dave


Never have so many understood so little about so much.

Barry Dave


Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Barry Dave


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Barry Dave


Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Barry Dave


Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Barry Dave


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Barry Dave


Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Barry Dave


Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.

Barry Dave


Prizes are for children.

Barry Dave


Imagine what we can imagine!

Barry Dave


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Barry Dave


Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Barry Dave


Small is beautiful.

Barry Dave


If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Barry Dave


Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Barry Dave


If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Barry Dave


Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Barry Dave


The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Barry Dave


Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

Barry Dave


It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

Barry Dave


When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Dave Barry





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No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.
Howe E.W.

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave Barry
 
 
 
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