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He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Barry Dave


The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

Barry Dave


If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Barry Dave


Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Barry Dave


A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Barry Dave


To use violence is to already be defeated.

Barry Dave


If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Barry Dave


For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Barry Dave


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Barry Dave


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Barry Dave


"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Barry Dave


The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Barry Dave


Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Barry Dave


Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Barry Dave


The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Barry Dave


The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Barry Dave


The streets were dark with something more than night.

Barry Dave


I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

Barry Dave


She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Barry Dave


The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

Barry Dave


"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Barry Dave


Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Barry Dave


Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Barry Dave


I might have gone to West Point, but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

Barry Dave


Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Barry Dave


The primary theme of SoupCon is communication. The acronym "LEO" represents the secondary theme: Law Enforcement Officials The overall theme of SoupCon shall be: Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials

Barry Dave


Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Barry Dave


Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Barry Dave


You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

Barry Dave


I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

Barry Dave


Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Barry Dave


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Barry Dave


They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.

Barry Dave


I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Barry Dave


One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Barry Dave


Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Barry Dave


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Barry Dave


It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

Barry Dave


Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Barry Dave


Nothing succeeds like success.

Barry Dave


I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Barry Dave


War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

Barry Dave


How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Barry Dave


Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Barry Dave


Vice-President Hubert Humphrey's loquacity is legendary, and Barry Goldwater notes that "Hubert has been clocked at 275 words a minute with gusts up to 340." On the campaign trail during 1964, Republican nominee Barry Goldwater stated, "The imme

Barry Dave


Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.

Barry Dave


"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."

Barry Dave


Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Barry Dave


If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Barry Dave


A statesman is a politician who's been dead 10 or 15 years.

Dave Barry





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"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating."
Tweed Boss

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Dave Barry
 
 
 
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