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Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

Barry Dave


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Barry Dave


Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Barry Dave


There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.

Barry Dave


When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.

Barry Dave


'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Barry Dave


Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

Barry Dave


Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Barry Dave


Well, here it is, 1983, so it won't be long before you start reading a lot of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke. Hartke is a governor or mayor or something from one of the flatter states, and the reason you'll be reading about him is tha

Barry Dave


The goys have proven the following theorem...

Barry Dave


The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.

Barry Dave


If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Barry Dave


If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Barry Dave


If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie.

Barry Dave


Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Barry Dave


Best Mistakes In Films In his "Filmgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists four of the cinema's greatest moments which you should get to see if at all possible. In "Carmen Jones", the camera tracks with Dorothy Dandridge down a st

Barry Dave


It is enough to make one sympathize with a tyrant for the determination of his courtiers to deceive him for their own personal ends...

Barry Dave


My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."

Barry Dave


Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

Barry Dave


Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

Barry Dave


Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Barry Dave


The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

Barry Dave


If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Barry Dave


A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

Barry Dave


Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

Barry Dave


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Barry Dave


A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Barry Dave


Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.

Barry Dave


Things past redress and now with me past care.

Barry Dave


Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

Barry Dave


There never was a good war or a bad peace.

Barry Dave


There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Barry Dave


When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

Barry Dave


How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Barry Dave


You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.

Barry Dave


Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing.

Barry Dave


A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

Barry Dave


I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

Barry Dave


When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Barry Dave


Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Barry Dave


Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Barry Dave


No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only had good intentions. He had money as well.

Barry Dave


Free Speech Is The Right To Shout 'Theater' In A Crowded Fire.

Barry Dave


Never promise more than you can perform.

Barry Dave


Grub first, then ethics.

Barry Dave


There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

Barry Dave


Vote early and vote often.

Barry Dave


As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.

Barry Dave


One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

Barry Dave


It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.

Dave Barry





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Civilization and profits go hand in hand.
Coolidge Calvin

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave Barry
 
 
 
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