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Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Barry Dave


Youth is a disease from which we all recover.

Barry Dave


Bingo, gas station, hamburger with a side order of airplane noise, and you'll be Gary, Indiana.

Barry Dave


Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Barry Dave


Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

Barry Dave


I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Barry Dave


April 1 This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Barry Dave


Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Barry Dave


A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

Barry Dave


Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict. They didn't want us to grow up to be spoiled and rich. If we left our tennis racquets in the rain, we were punished.

Barry Dave


An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

Barry Dave


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Barry Dave


A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Barry Dave


Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong.

Barry Dave


"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Barry Dave


You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

Barry Dave


You are absolute plate-glass. I see to the very back of your mind.

Barry Dave


I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Barry Dave


Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Barry Dave


If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

Barry Dave


In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Barry Dave


Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Barry Dave


What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

Barry Dave


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Barry Dave


Your wig steers the gig.

Barry Dave


My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."

Barry Dave


If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

Barry Dave


Democracy becomes a government of bullies, tempered by editors.

Barry Dave


Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

Barry Dave


Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender. You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want.

Barry Dave


He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

Barry Dave


He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

Barry Dave


"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."

Barry Dave


Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

Barry Dave


Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

Barry Dave


I go the way that Providence dictates.

Barry Dave


The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

Barry Dave


I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

Barry Dave


The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

Barry Dave


Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Barry Dave


Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Barry Dave


of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources."

Barry Dave


War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.

Barry Dave


The primary theme of SoupCon is communication. The acronym "LEO" represents the secondary theme: Law Enforcement Officials The overall theme of SoupCon shall be: Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials

Barry Dave


Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

Barry Dave


You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you're not planning on coming back down.

Barry Dave


The superfluous is very necessary.

Barry Dave


I was in accord with the system so long as it permitted me to function effectively.

Barry Dave


It pays in England to be a revolutionary and a bible-smacker most of one's life and then come round.

Barry Dave


I stick my neck out for nobody.

Dave Barry





Random Quote


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.
Bruce Lenny

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave Barry
 
 
 
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