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What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

Barry Dave


My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Barry Dave


...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Barry Dave


I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Barry Dave


Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

Barry Dave


The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

Barry Dave


We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Barry Dave


Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Barry Dave


Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

Barry Dave


I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h

Barry Dave


Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Barry Dave


"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

Barry Dave


I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

Barry Dave


So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Barry Dave


She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

Barry Dave


A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Barry Dave


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Barry Dave


The streets were dark with something more than night.

Barry Dave


A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Barry Dave


Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking: WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS: YOU WRITE: Probably the greatest quality of the poetry John Milton

Barry Dave


What is good? Everything that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? Everything that is born of weakness. Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not virtue but fitness. The weak and the

Barry Dave


Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Barry Dave


To add insult to injury.

Barry Dave


If I love you, what business is it of yours?

Barry Dave


The man who runs may fight again.

Barry Dave


A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Barry Dave


per year.

Barry Dave


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Barry Dave


If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Barry Dave


Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.

Barry Dave


Once is happenstance, Twice is coincidence, Three times is enemy action.

Barry Dave


There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

Barry Dave


I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more.

Barry Dave


There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.

Barry Dave


Not all who own a harp are harpers.

Barry Dave


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Barry Dave


Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Barry Dave


What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

Barry Dave


San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Barry Dave


I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

Barry Dave


Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come.

Barry Dave


How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Barry Dave


I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

Barry Dave


Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

Barry Dave


I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

Barry Dave


When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Barry Dave


Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Barry Dave


One good turn asketh another.

Barry Dave


Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Barry Dave


I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

Dave Barry





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According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
Alo Vincent

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Dave Barry
 
 
 
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