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Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Barry Dave


Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

Barry Dave


Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Barry Dave


Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Barry Dave


You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Barry Dave


Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Barry Dave


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Barry Dave


Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

Barry Dave


Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Barry Dave


I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Barry Dave


Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Barry Dave


You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Barry Dave


Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

Barry Dave


The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the

Barry Dave


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Barry Dave


I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

Barry Dave


Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Barry Dave


Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

Barry Dave


Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Barry Dave


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Barry Dave


Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Barry Dave


Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Barry Dave


The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Barry Dave


Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Barry Dave


Business will be either better or worse.

Barry Dave


At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

Barry Dave


That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

Barry Dave


A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Barry Dave


The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Barry Dave


You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

Barry Dave


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

Barry Dave


There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Barry Dave


There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Barry Dave


Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Barry Dave


He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general education and culture.

Barry Dave


Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Barry Dave


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Barry Dave


"You boys lookin' for trouble?" "Sure. Whaddya got?"

Barry Dave


Haste makes waste.

Barry Dave


"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Barry Dave


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Barry Dave


The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Barry Dave


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Barry Dave


Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Barry Dave


No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Barry Dave


In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Barry Dave


You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Barry Dave


... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

Barry Dave


Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Barry Dave


"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Dave Barry





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A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
Cervantes Miguel de

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Dave Barry
 
 
 
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