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Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Barry Dave


All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

Barry Dave


Never buy from a rich salesman.

Barry Dave


Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

Barry Dave


A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Barry Dave


Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

Barry Dave


There's no justice in this world.

Barry Dave


Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Barry Dave


To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.

Barry Dave


VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to

Barry Dave


My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

Barry Dave


I love treason but hate a traitor.

Barry Dave


Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Barry Dave


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Barry Dave


There is always something new out of Africa.

Barry Dave


of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources."

Barry Dave


If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.

Barry Dave


A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Barry Dave


A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Barry Dave


As long as there are entrenched social and political distinctions between sexes, races or classes, there will be forms of science whose main function is to rationalize and legitimize these distinctions.

Barry Dave


God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little... The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman... not enough to support a man and fiv

Barry Dave


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Barry Dave


There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.

Barry Dave


I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Barry Dave


Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.

Barry Dave


A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

Barry Dave


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Barry Dave


Every country has the government it deserves.

Barry Dave


Practice yourself what you preach.

Barry Dave


Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Barry Dave


I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.

Barry Dave


"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Barry Dave


Diplomacy is to do and say, the nastiest thing in the nicest way.

Barry Dave


What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

Barry Dave


When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Barry Dave


The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Barry Dave


It is a wise father that knows his own child.

Barry Dave


"Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war."

Barry Dave


When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

Barry Dave


The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.

Barry Dave


Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Barry Dave


That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.

Barry Dave


I owe the public nothing.

Barry Dave


Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Barry Dave


Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.

Barry Dave


My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Barry Dave


Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

Barry Dave


If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Barry Dave


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Barry Dave


A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Dave Barry





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An excellence-oriented '80s male does not wear a regular watch. He wears a Rolex watch, because it weighs nearly six pounds and is advertised only in excellence-oriented publications such as Fortune and Rich Protestant Golfer Magazine. The advertis
Barry Dave

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Dave Barry
 
 
 
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