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A little bit of rape is good for a man's soul.

Barry Dave


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Barry Dave


You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Barry Dave


Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Barry Dave


Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

Barry Dave


All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

Barry Dave


If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Barry Dave


"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Barry Dave


How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

Barry Dave


God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

Barry Dave


If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

Barry Dave


Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Barry Dave


Better late than never.

Barry Dave


The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

Barry Dave


L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Barry Dave


... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Barry Dave


Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Barry Dave


God is Dead.

Barry Dave


The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Barry Dave


Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

Barry Dave


The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal

Barry Dave


Business will be either better or worse.

Barry Dave


Set the cart before the horse.

Barry Dave


What we wish, that we readily believe.

Barry Dave


A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Barry Dave


Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Barry Dave


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Barry Dave


Why be a man when you can be a success?

Barry Dave


If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

Barry Dave


You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Barry Dave


The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Barry Dave


You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Barry Dave


Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Barry Dave


Haste makes waste.

Barry Dave


Beggars should be no choosers.

Barry Dave


"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Barry Dave


"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Barry Dave


As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

Barry Dave


The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Barry Dave


If I love you, what business is it of yours?

Barry Dave


It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.

Barry Dave


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Barry Dave


Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Barry Dave


Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Barry Dave


If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Barry Dave


I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Barry Dave


He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.

Barry Dave


[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

Barry Dave


Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Barry Dave


Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Dave Barry





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You never gain something but that you lose something.
Thoreau

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Dave Barry
 
 
 
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