Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

"Are you police officers?" "No, ma'am. We're musicians."

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness; And from that full meridian of my glory I haste now to my setting. I shall fall, Like a bright exhalation in the evening And no man see me more.

Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

It is like saying that for the cause of peace, God and the Devil will have a high-level meeting.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.