I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

The Crown is full of it!

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

God is Dead.

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.