Anything anybody can say about America is true.

To have died once is enough.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

"Plaese porrf raed."

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

He's a son-of-a-bitch, but he's our son-of-a-bitch.

Even God cannot change the past.

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating."

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.