Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Language is a virus from another planet.

Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!

The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

It is easier to make a saint out of a libertine than out of a prig.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether II win or lose.

An expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.

I knew one thing: as soon as anyone said you didn't need a gun, you'd better take one along that worked.

My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to meas