Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

I use not only all the brains I have, but all those I can borrow as well.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point."

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

What fools these mortals be.

BS: You remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power. B: What power? BS: The power of voodoo. B: Voodoo? BS: You do. B: Do what? BS: Remind me of a man. B: What man? BS: The man with the power...

The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

The nearer to the church, the further from God.

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.