I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was aske

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

The course of true anything never does run smooth.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book.