Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted.

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

Things are not always what they seem.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.

For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?

"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet

All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.

The optimum committee has no members.

Home is where the hurt is.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

... difference of opinion is advantagious in religion. The several sects perform the office of a common censor morum over each other. Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity,

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed inventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner party of more than two, the epic poem, and the