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Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

Johnson Dave

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Johnson Dr.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Johnson Dr.

In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that "If I had w

Johnson Lyndon Baines

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Johnson S.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Johnson Samuel

In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.

Johnson Samuel

If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an oncoming train.

Johnson Samuel

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Johnson Samuel

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to

Johnson Samuel

Save the Whales

Johnson Samuel

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Johnson Samuel

I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Johnson Lyndon

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Samuel Johnson

The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, Are of imagination all compact...

de Dave Johnson on

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... the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in charity we can only call "inhuman."
Lafferty R. A.

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