The course of true anything never does run smooth.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Talkers are no good doers.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Beggars should be no choosers.

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.