She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile. Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures. One day, without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation. In an instant, armed troops surroun

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.