Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.