The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.