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Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Adams Franklin


The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Adams Franklin


New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation; it's the asshole of the universe.

Adams Franklin


So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

Ali Muhammad


Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.

Alice Walker


You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

Alighieri Dante


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Alinsky Saul


If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.

Alinsky Saul


My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to meas

Alinsky Saul


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Alito Noelie


A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

Arthur Sullivan


We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Attorney General William


When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Aurelius Marcus


No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Aurelius Sextus


When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Balliett Whitney


Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Barker Clive


Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Ben Franklin


This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Berlioz Hector


Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Billings Josh


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Billings Josh


If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Billings Josh


One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Billings Josh


Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Billings Josh


The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Billings Josh


A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Billings Josh


The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Blake William


The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

Blake William


When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Blake William


Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.

Blake William


Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning.

Blake William


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Blish James


There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Bon John Dillinger on


I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Bowles Colin


A yawn is a silent shout.

Bowles Colin


Haste makes waste.

Brilliant Ashleigh


When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

Brilliant Ashleigh


Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.

Brilliant Ashleigh


Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked.

Brilliant Ashleigh


The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.

Brilliant Ashleigh


If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Broughton Philip


Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

Buckley William F.


I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Buckley William F.


War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

Burgess Philip Larkin on Anthony


Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

Burroughs William


Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

Burroughs William S.


If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Caesar Gaius Julius


In my end is my beginning.

Caesar Gaius Julius


Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

Caesar Gaius Julius


The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Caesar Julius


There but for the grace of God, goes God.

Callimachus


If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Carlin George


The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven; The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change. These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.

Carpenter Elizabeth


It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

Catlin Wynn


Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Celine Louis-Ferdinand


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Channing William Ellery


Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

Chaplin Charlie


... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

Charles Darling


Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Charles Darling


The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Charlie Crazy


October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.

Chevalier Maurice


[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Cicero Marcus Tullius


Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Cicero Marcus Tullius


Practice yourself what you preach.

Clarence Darrow to William


It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Clifton Fadiman


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Coo Alistair


A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Cooke Alistair


"Plaese porrf raed."

Cooke Alistair


Things past redress and now with me past care.

Coolidge Calvin


I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Coolidge Calvin


There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Coolidge Calvin


If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Coolidge Calvin


"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"

Coolidge Calvin


Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

Coolidge Calvin


The true way goes over a rope which is not stretched at any great height but just above the ground. It seems more designed to make people stumble than to be walked upon.

Coolidge Calvin


You can observe a lot just by watching.

Cromwell Oliver


"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar."

Dali Salvador


Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Dane Franklin K.


Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

Darling Charles


There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.

Dick Philip K.


IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably price

Dillinger John


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Disraeli Benjamin


You can never do just one thing.

Disraeli Benjamin


True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Disraeli Benjamin


Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

Disraeli Benjamin


What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Disraeli Benjamin


I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

Disraeli Benjamin


Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Donatus Aelius


Look ere ye leap.

Elder Pliny the


The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Eliot George


Turn the other cheek.

Eliot George


Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Eliot T.S.


Mike: "The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?" Bernie: "Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."

Eliot T.S.


One learns to itch where one can scratch.

Eliot T.S.


To do two things at once is to do neither.

Eliot T.Sessay


So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Elizabeth I


Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

Elizabeth John Greenway


Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

Elliot


Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Ellis Havelock


Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Ellis Havelock


English literature's performing flea.

Ellis Nancy


There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Ellison Harlan


One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Ellison Harlan


Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

Erlich Paul


My dear People. My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks, and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers, Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots. Also my good Sackville Bagginses that I w

Fadiman Clifton


A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

Fadiman Clifton


You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.

Fadiman Clifton


Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.

Fadiman Clifton


I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Faulkner William


When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Faulkner William


Out of sight is out of mind.

Fee Elizabeth


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Francisc Colin Bowles San


The world wants to be deceived.

Franklin B.


I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Franklin B.


Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Franklin B.


You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Franklin B.


Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Franklin B.


The Israelis are the Doberman pinschers of the Middle East. They treat the Arabs like postmen.

Franklin B.


The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

Franklin Ben


If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Franklin Ben


United Nations, New York, December 25. The peace and joy of the Christmas season was marred by a proclamation of a general strike of all the military forces of the world. Panic reigns in the hearts of all the patriots of every persuasion. Meanwhil

Franklin Ben


Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Franklin Benjamin


The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.

Franklin Benjamin


Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

Franklin Benjamin


I owe the public nothing.

Franklin Benjamin


The superfluous is very necessary.

Franklin Benjamin


When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

Franklin Benjamin


For a light heart lives long.

Franklin Benjamin


"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Franklin Benjamin


But you shall not escape my iambics.

Franklin Benjamin


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Franklin Benjamin


What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

G. Gordon Liddy's


She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

Galilei Galileo


Satire is what closes Saturday night.

Garrison William Lloyd


But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

Gibran Kahlil


To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Gibran Kahlil


It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

Gibran Kahlil


The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

Gilliam E.A.


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Gordon Karen Elizabeth


Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once able to plumb.

Halsey Admiral William


Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Hazlitt William


Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

Hellman Lillian


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Heraclitus


We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Hodder-Williams Christopher


There's no such thing as an original sin.

Holmes Oliver Wendell


What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Holmes Oliver Wendell


Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile. Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures. One day, without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation. In an instant, armed troops surroun

Huntingd Collis P.


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

James Clive


Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

James William


"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

James William


When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

Jim Starlin


Men will fuck mud.

Jim Starlin


The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

John Lightfoot


Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Joke The Killing


You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Jones Franklin P.


The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Jones Franklin P.


To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North Star. As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.

Jones Franklin P.


Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a surprising amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one hand considered the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other hand were unwilling to risk offending God's g

Jones Franklin P.


Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

Joplin Janis


Charity begins at home.

Juliana Queen


A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

Julius Caesar


Historians have now definitely established that Juan Cabrillo, discoverer of California, was not looking for Kansas, thus setting a precedent that continues to this day.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

Kahlil Gibran


I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.

Kipling Rudyard


A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

Kirk Lisa


A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

Larsen Dalglish


Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

LeBoutillier J.


The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

LeoGrande William


Love the sea? I dote upon it

Leslie Stephen


Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

Leslie Stephen


When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

Lester Julius


Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it. The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.

Li Woman's


XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Li Mark Twain


The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Lie Trygve


A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

Liebling A.J.


God is Dead.

Liebling A.J.


When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Liepmann Hans


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Lieutenant Kermit Tyler


One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Lilly John


My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Lincoln A.


Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.

Lincoln Abraham


Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

Lincoln Abraham


My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Lincoln Abraham


Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Lincoln Abraham


I love treason but hate a traitor.

Lincoln Abraham


A sinking ship gathers no moss.

Lincoln Abraham


Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Lincoln Abraham


So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

Lincoln Abraham


I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Lindbergh Charles


I think we're in trouble.

Ling James J.


In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

Lippmann Walter


Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Lippmann Walter


Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

Little Mary Wilson


America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

Little Rich


Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Longworth Alice Roosevelt


Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt


Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt


Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Machiavelli


We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

Machiavelli Niccolo


You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Man Little Big


Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Marcus Tullius Cicero


There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Mari Clive James on


One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

McCarthy Charlie


Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

McCarthy Charlie


They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.

McCorkle Julia Norton


It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Melvin Belli


The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

Miller. Olin


If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Moliere


The human instinct to censor thrives, as it always will, living in irrepressible conflict with the human instinct to speak. Outrage, self-righteousness, and paranoia feed the maw of censorship. Squelching speech, however, never reduces society's net

Morris William


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Moss Stirling


The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

North Lt. Col. Ollie


There is a limit to the admiration we may hold for a man who spends his waking hours poking the contents of chickens with a stick.

North Oliver


In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made school boards.

Novem The Realist


Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

Oliver


The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Oliver


"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Orton William


The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

Palindromist The Mad


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Paul Tillich German


To know Edina is to reject it.

Penn William


Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Perlis Alan J.


All art is but imitation of nature.

Philip Hale Boston


"What are you watching?" "I don't know." "Well, what's happening?" "I'm not sure... I think the guy in the hat did something terrible." "Why are you watching it?" "You're so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

Philips Emo


Things are not always what they seem.

Phillips Emo


None love the bearer of bad news.

Phillips Utah


Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.

Player Willis


A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Professor English


A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Publilius


"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"

Publius Ovidius Naso


This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Publius Terentius Afer


It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Publius Terentius Afer


Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Publius Terentius Afer


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Publius Terentius Afer


We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

Publius Vergilius Maro


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Publius Vergilius Maro


You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form. The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish betwe

Publius Vergilius Maro


Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Publius Vergilius Maro


Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.

Pulitzer Joseph


Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.

Richard Little


Save the Whales

Rockwell George Lincoln


Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.

Roosevelt Franklin D.


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Roosevelt Franklin D.


There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Roosevelt Franklin Delano


There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Salinger J. D.


There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Sandra Gotlieb


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Schlafly Phyllis


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Secundus Gaius Plinius


Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

Serling Rod


Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

Shake William


Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles.

Shake William


Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Shake William


Man is the measure of all things.

Shake William


The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Shake William


A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Shake William


It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Shake William


If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Shake William


Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Shake William


A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

Shake William


It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Shake William


I do not patronize poor, ill educated, or disenfranchised people by exempting them from the same critical examination I feel free to direct toward the rest of society, however much I might champion the same minority or disadvantaged group in the foru

Shakes William


Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

Shakes William


What I tell you three times is true.

Shakesp William


You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

Shakesp William


I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.

Shakesp William


A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Shakespear William


The Almighty in His infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.

Shakespear William


Confucius say too much.

Shakespear William


Why be a man when you can be a success?

Shakespear William


"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'

Shakespear William


"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Shakespeare William


Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Shakespeare William


Never promise more than you can perform.

Shakespeare William


A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Shakespeare William


We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Shakespeare William


I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Shakespeare William


An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

Shakespeare William


I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Shakespeare William


He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.

Shakespeare William


I dote on his very absence.

Shakespeare William


"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

Shakespeare William


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Shakespeare William


The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.

Shakespeare William


All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

Shakespeare William


You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.

Shakespeare William


Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Shakespeare William


There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Shakespeare William


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Shakespeare William


I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

Shaw Pygmali


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Stalin Joseph


It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one day like any other day, only short

Stalin Joseph


A word to the wise is enough.

Stalin Joseph


Another day, another dollar.

Stalin Joseph


I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Stephen Leslie


Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Strachey Lionel


Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Syrus Publilius


Satire is tragedy plus time.

Syrus Publilius


The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

Syrus Publilius


I hate quotations.

Syrus Publilius


If God is One, what is bad?

Syrus Publilius


"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Syrus Publilius


The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Syrus Publilius


When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.

Syrus Publilius


Naked children have never played in _o_u_r fountains, and I.M. Pei will never be happy on Route 66.

Syrus Publilius


The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

Syrus Publilius


If Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is not by some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.

Syrus Publilius


If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires.

Syrus Publius


Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

T.S. Eliot


Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.

Taylor Elizabeth


Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

The Outer Limits


As to Jesus of Nazareth... I think the system of Morals and his Religion, as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with most of the present Dissent

Tiselius Arne


Language is a virus from another planet.

Titus Livius


If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

Tomlin Lily


We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem. There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.

Tomlin Lily


How should they answer?

Tomlin Lily


In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... se

Tomlin Lily


San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Tomlin Lily


The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

Tomlin Lily


All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Tomlin Lily


There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Trillin Calvin


Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

Trilling Lionel


A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Wagner Lichty &


No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Walinsky Adam


We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

War Oliver


Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Wellington The Duke of


Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Wellington Duke


If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president of Harvard.

Wells J. Wellington


The chief enemy of creativity is "good" sense

Wells J. Wellington


Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Whalen Philip


Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

White William Allen


I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

White William Allen


But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

Willard F. Libby


If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

William


If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

William Gibson


With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

William S. Paley


Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

William Shakespeare


God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

William Shakespeare


William Shakespeare


God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

William Shakespeare


They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

William Shakespeare


Alas, how love can trifle with itself!

Williams H.H.


The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Williams Robin


The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Williams Tennessee


Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.

Williams Robin


I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Williamson Ren'e de Visme


Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Williamson Nicol


Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]

Williamson Dr. Paul


"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Willie Sutton


To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

Yeats William Butler


Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Yutang Lin


Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

Zwart Elizabeth Clarkson


He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.

proverb Italian


The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.

proverb Polish





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The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
Kissinger Henry

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
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