The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.

I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

There is no proverb that is not true.

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Out of sight is out of mind.

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

Practice yourself what you preach.

Faith is under the left nipple.

Most general statements are false, including this one.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

All is well that ends well.

You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.

In the long run we are all dead.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

Nothing recedes like success.

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Forgive and forget.

[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Men will fuck mud.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Rome was not built in one day.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.

Since everything in life is but an experience perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst out in laughter.

Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

I love treason but hate a traitor.

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on t

A full belly makes a dull brain.

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

When the sun shineth, make hay.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

I owe the public nothing.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Mum's the word.

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

Haste makes waste.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

I heard a definition of an intellectual, that I thought was very interesting: a man who takes more words than are necessary to tell more than he knows.

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

I consider a new device or technology to have been culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Who's scruffy-looking?

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Nothing succeeds like success.

Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

The major sin is the sin of being born.

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from a laboratory jar at Harvard.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.

"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Genius is pain.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

One good turn asketh another.

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

What an artist dies with me!

I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

The more the merrier.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

I hate dying.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

The faster we go, the rounder we get.

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

The coast was clear.

A dead man cannot bite.

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Getting into trouble is easy.

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.

Leave no stone unturned.

If Beethoven's Seventh Symphony is not by some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

The fact that it works is immaterial.

Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

General notions are generally wrong.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Well begun is half done.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Optimism is the content of small men in high places.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

I will make you shorter by the head.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

It is better to have loved and lost

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

There's no justice in this world.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Necessity hath no law.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

One of your most ancient writers, a historian named Herodotus, tells of a thief who was to be executed. As he was taken away he made a bargain with the king: in one year he would teach the king's favorite horse to sing hymns. The other prisoners wa

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it."

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Fortune and love befriend the bold.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

Better late than never.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

Small is beautiful.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

There are no answers, only cross-references.

Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.

Not all who own a harp are harpers.

Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

A man's house is his castle.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.