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You may my glories and my state dispose, But not my griefs; still am I king of those.

Adams Franklin


October 12, the Discovery. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Adams Franklin


If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

Adams Franklin


It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Ali Muhammad


If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Alice Walker


As long as there are entrenched social and political distinctions between sexes, races or classes, there will be forms of science whose main function is to rationalize and legitimize these distinctions.

Alighieri Dante


The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

Alinsky Saul


Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

Alinsky Saul


When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

Alinsky Saul


True to our past we work with an inherited, observed, and accepted vision of personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.

Alito Noelie


Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Arthur Sullivan


Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping along smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an overdose of flouride as a child

Attorney General William


Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Aurelius Marcus


If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

Aurelius Sextus


Tempt not a desperate man.

Balliett Whitney


This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.

Barker Clive


Under every stone lurks a politician.

Ben Franklin


The white race is the cancer of history.

Berlioz Hector


If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie.

Billings Josh


It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. T

Billings Josh


"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Billings Josh


There is no act of treachery or mean-ness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.

Billings Josh


During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has been upon trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity,; in both, superstition, bigo

Billings Josh


There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry.

Billings Josh


I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern. I realize that the whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional congresspersons to concern themselves with things like the MX missile so we can be free to concern ourselves wi

Billings Josh


Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia

Blake William


I dote on his very absence.

Blake William


Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

Blake William


What we wish, that we readily believe.

Blake William


Don't be humble ... you're not that great.

Blake William


If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

Blish James


There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Bon John Dillinger on


I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.

Bowles Colin


If Karl, instead of writing a lot about Capital, had made a lot of Capital, it would have been much better.

Bowles Colin


If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all th

Brilliant Ashleigh


He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general education and culture.

Brilliant Ashleigh


I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

Brilliant Ashleigh


Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Brilliant Ashleigh


There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.

Brilliant Ashleigh


"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

Broughton Philip


In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

Buckley William F.


Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Buckley William F.


The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

Burgess Philip Larkin on Anthony


He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

Burroughs William


A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Burroughs William S.


It is now 10 p.m. Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?

Caesar Gaius Julius


A dead man cannot bite.

Caesar Gaius Julius


CF&C stole it, fair and square.

Caesar Gaius Julius


To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Caesar Julius


When in doubt, use brute force.

Callimachus


... indifference is a militant thing ... when it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway robbery.

Carlin George


The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

Carpenter Elizabeth


Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Catlin Wynn


Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

Celine Louis-Ferdinand


Somewhat alarmed at the continued growth of the number of employees on the Department of Agriculture payroll in 1962, Michigan Republican Robert Griffin proposed an amendment to the farm bill so that "the total number of employees in the Department

Channing William Ellery


It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

Chaplin Charlie


Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

Charles Darling


The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

Charles Darling


It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Charlie Crazy


The first rule of all intelligent tinkering is to keep all the parts.

Chevalier Maurice


A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Cicero Marcus Tullius


Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Cicero Marcus Tullius


Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

Clarence Darrow to William


Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make

Clifton Fadiman


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Coo Alistair


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Cooke Alistair


It is better to have loved and lost

Cooke Alistair


"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Coolidge Calvin


What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

Coolidge Calvin


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Coolidge Calvin


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Coolidge Calvin


The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.

Coolidge Calvin


The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Coolidge Calvin


Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.

Coolidge Calvin


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Cromwell Oliver


You roll my log, and I will roll yours.

Dali Salvador


I've got a very bad feeling about this.

Dane Franklin K.


In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.

Darling Charles


Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

Dick Philip K.


Sometimes, too long is too long.

Dillinger John


The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

Disraeli Benjamin


Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Disraeli Benjamin


Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

Disraeli Benjamin


Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.

Disraeli Benjamin


Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

Disraeli Benjamin


I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

Disraeli Benjamin


Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ances

Donatus Aelius


Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Elder Pliny the


Mr. Salter's side of the conversation was limited to expressions of assent. When Lord Copper was right he said "Definitely, Lord Copper"; when he was wrong, "Up to a point." "Let me see, what's the name of the place I mean? Capital of Japan? Yokoh

Eliot George


Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

Eliot George


Anything is possible on paper.

Eliot T.S.


If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Eliot T.S.


When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Eliot T.S.


Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

Eliot T.Sessay


The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented hell.

Elizabeth I


Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Elizabeth John Greenway


There is no fool to the old fool.

Elliot


While there's life, there's hope.

Ellis Havelock


We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

Ellis Havelock


Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Ellis Nancy


Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

Ellison Harlan


When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Ellison Harlan


Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

Erlich Paul


The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"

Fadiman Clifton


Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Fadiman Clifton


The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

Fadiman Clifton


But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.

Fadiman Clifton


A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

Faulkner William


Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon.

Faulkner William


Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.

Fee Elizabeth


Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Francisc Colin Bowles San


What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

Franklin B.


The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Franklin B.


If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Franklin B.


There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion.

Franklin B.


"I don't know whether God exists or not, but it makes no difference to me." "It's not like He's passing out free money or anything."

Franklin B.


AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE! AWAKE!

Franklin B.


I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

Franklin Ben


It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Franklin Ben


We should have a great many fewer disputes in the world if only words were taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things themselves.

Franklin Ben


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Franklin Benjamin


Put a rogue in the limelight and he will act like an honest man.

Franklin Benjamin


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Franklin Benjamin


As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

Franklin Benjamin


He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

Franklin Benjamin


New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

Franklin Benjamin


A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

Franklin Benjamin


Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Franklin Benjamin


What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

Franklin Benjamin


Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

Franklin Benjamin


For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used for thirty years. This gives me great hope for the human race.

G. Gordon Liddy's


Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

Galilei Galileo


General notions are generally wrong.

Garrison William Lloyd


Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Gibran Kahlil


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Gibran Kahlil


Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.

Gibran Kahlil


Well, he didn't know what to do, so he decided to look at the government, to see what they did, and scale it down and run his life that way.

Gilliam E.A.


Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

Gordon Karen Elizabeth


I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Halsey Admiral William


What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

Hazlitt William


The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.

Hellman Lillian


We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.

Heraclitus


Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.

Hodder-Williams Christopher


May you live in uninteresting times.

Holmes Oliver Wendell


Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

Holmes Oliver Wendell


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Huntingd Collis P.


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

James Clive


In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore ... in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long ... se

James William


One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

James William


Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Jim Starlin


There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

Jim Starlin


They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom for trying to change the system from within. I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them. First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark

John Lightfoot


Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Joke The Killing


What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?

Jones Franklin P.


Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Jones Franklin P.


Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Jones Franklin P.


"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

Jones Franklin P.


I hate dying.

Joplin Janis


Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Juliana Queen


The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

Julius Caesar


What is good? Everything that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? Everything that is born of weakness. Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not virtue but fitness. The weak and the

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Juvenalis Decimus Junius


I am a deeply superficial person.

Kahlil Gibran


Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

Kipling Rudyard


There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

Kirk Lisa


If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Larsen Dalglish


You can observe a lot just by watching.

LeBoutillier J.


Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

LeoGrande William


Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.

Leslie Stephen


Who's scruffy-looking?

Leslie Stephen


It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

Lester Julius


Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

Li Woman's


Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

Li Mark Twain


A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both high posts are reserved for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter facts of life in bandages of self-illus

Lie Trygve


America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.

Liebling A.J.


The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people.

Liebling A.J.


Human resources are human first, and resources second.

Liepmann Hans


My father was a saint, I'm not.

Lieutenant Kermit Tyler


I remember once being on a station platform in Cleveland at four in the morning. A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to invade your privacy, but I h

Lilly John


Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty Often have a share in their misfortunes.

Lincoln A.


Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.

Lincoln Abraham


Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

Lincoln Abraham


Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.

Lincoln Abraham


I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.

Lincoln Abraham


Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

Lincoln Abraham


Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the mid-fork of the Feather River

Lincoln Abraham


An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Lincoln Abraham


If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Lincoln Abraham


When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.

Lindbergh Charles


I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Ling James J.


If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.

Lippmann Walter


When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.

Lippmann Walter


If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Little Mary Wilson


God help those who do not help themselves.

Little Rich


If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt


For years a secret shame destroyed my peace

Longworth Alice Roosevelt


An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

Longworth Alice Roosevelt


Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

Machiavelli


Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Machiavelli Niccolo


By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Man Little Big


There is no ox so dumb as the orthodox.

Marcus Tullius Cicero


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Mari Clive James on


"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

McCarthy Charlie


My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

McCarthy Charlie


Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermount noted in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls."

McCorkle Julia Norton


The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.

Melvin Belli


Many of the characters are fools and they are always playing tricks on me and treating me badly.

Miller. Olin


Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Moliere


Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Morris William


Small things make base men proud.

Moss Stirling


Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.

North Lt. Col. Ollie


The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

North Oliver


The streets were dark with something more than night.

Novem The Realist


Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.

Oliver


We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.

Oliver


If one inquires why the American tradition is so strong against any connection of State and Church, why it dreads even the rudiments of religious teaching in state-maintained schools, the immediate and superficial answer is not far to seek. ... The

Orton William


Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."

Palindromist The Mad


I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Paul Tillich German


Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Penn William


Art is anything you can get away with.

Perlis Alan J.


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Philip Hale Boston


The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Philips Emo


Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Phillips Emo


If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Phillips Utah


Nothing, nothing, nothing, no error, no crime is so absolutely repugnant to God as everything which is official; and why? because the official is so impersonal and therefore the deepest insult which can be offered to a personality.

Player Willis


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Professor English


If you lose a son you can always get another, but there's only one Maltese Falcon.

Publilius


Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Publius Ovidius Naso


The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

Publius Terentius Afer


Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Publius Terentius Afer


Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

Publius Terentius Afer


I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

Publius Terentius Afer


We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

Publius Vergilius Maro


Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.

Publius Vergilius Maro


You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Publius Vergilius Maro


Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Publius Vergilius Maro


In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Pulitzer Joseph


If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Richard Little


The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use.

Rockwell George Lincoln


I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Roosevelt Franklin D.


Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

Roosevelt Franklin D.


The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

Roosevelt Franklin Delano


The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape in July 1978 th

Salinger J. D.


I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Sandra Gotlieb


And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Schlafly Phyllis


"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Secundus Gaius Plinius


Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Serling Rod


Beggars should be no choosers.

Shake William


No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple act of justice.

Shake William


I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

Shake William


Cautious, careful people always casting about to preserve their reputation or social standards never can bring about reform. Those who are totally in earnest are willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately

Shake William


Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Shake William


Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Shake William


The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

Shake William


Whatever is not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.

Shake William


A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.

Shake William


The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Shake William


"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."

Shake William


If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Shakes William


The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Shakes William


Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Shakesp William


It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.

Shakesp William


Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity. What has been the effect of coercio

Shakesp William


Shakespear William


No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

Shakespear William


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Shakespear William


One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Shakespear William


Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

Shakespear William


"You boys lookin' for trouble?" "Sure. Whaddya got?"

Shakespeare William


Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.

Shakespeare William


In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

Shakespeare William


You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Shakespeare William


San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Shakespeare William


Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Shakespeare William


I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours. Great song.

Shakespeare William


Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Shakespeare William


Two heads are better than one.

Shakespeare William


TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Shakespeare William


Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Shakespeare William


There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

Shakespeare William


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Shakespeare William


Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

Shakespeare William


What one fool can do, another can.

Shakespeare William


He hath eaten me out of house and home.

Shakespeare William


Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Shakespeare William


I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.

Shakespeare William


"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'

Shaw Pygmali


The Israelis are the Doberman pinschers of the Middle East. They treat the Arabs like postmen.

Stalin Joseph


If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.

Stalin Joseph


Well, don't worry about it... It's nothing.

Stalin Joseph


The better part of valor is discretion.

Stalin Joseph


The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

Stephen Leslie


The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, cr

Strachey Lionel


Confucius say too much.

Syrus Publilius


You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

Syrus Publilius


The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Syrus Publilius


Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Syrus Publilius


The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Syrus Publilius


Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Syrus Publilius


Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

Syrus Publilius


There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Syrus Publilius


Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

Syrus Publilius


To teach is to learn twice.

Syrus Publilius


Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Syrus Publilius


Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Syrus Publius


And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

T.S. Eliot


Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.

Taylor Elizabeth


There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his

The Outer Limits


Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

Tiselius Arne


"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

Titus Livius


Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

Tomlin Lily


So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

Tomlin Lily


Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.

Tomlin Lily


Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.

Tomlin Lily


In my end is my beginning.

Tomlin Lily


Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

Tomlin Lily


Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes. Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.

Tomlin Lily


Don't go to bed with no price on your head.

Trillin Calvin


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Trilling Lionel


Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of blue denim. If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim. I don't enjoy the sky or sea as much as I used

Wagner Lichty &


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Walinsky Adam


Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.

War Oliver


Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

Wellington The Duke of


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Wellington Duke


The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.

Wells J. Wellington


The optimum committee has no members.

Wells J. Wellington


The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

Whalen Philip


Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

White William Allen


It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

White William Allen


Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked.

Willard F. Libby


L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

William


As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

William Gibson


"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex." (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)

William S. Paley


Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

William Shakespeare


Things past redress and now with me past care.

William Shakespeare


XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

William Shakespeare


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner: Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet behind, flee then t

William Shakespeare


By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

William Shakespeare


No two persons ever read the same book.

Williams H.H.


The nearer to the church, the further from God.

Williams Robin


Why be a man when you can be a success?

Williams Tennessee


I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

Williams Robin


The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Williamson Ren'e de Visme


There never was a good war or a bad peace.

Williamson Nicol


Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management.

Williamson Dr. Paul


The first requisite for immortality is death.

Willie Sutton


Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Yeats William Butler


"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work"

Yutang Lin


Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Zwart Elizabeth Clarkson


I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

proverb Italian


A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

proverb Polish





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Moffitt James

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