|
If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.
 Adams
Franklin
Use an accordion. Go to jail.
 Adams
Franklin
Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for
these only gave life, those the art of living well.
 Adams
Franklin
The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and
robbers there will be.
 Ali
Muhammad
It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.
 Alice Walker
Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations.
He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the
Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an
open market.
If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri Alighieri
Dante
"Richard, in being so fierce toward my vampire, you were doing
what you wanted to do, even though you thought it was going to hurt
somebody else. He even told you he'd be hurt if..."
"He was going to suck my blood!"
"Which is what we do to anyone Alinsky
Saul
Many receive advice, few profit by it.
 Alinsky
Saul
The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in
the country is the one on which you resell it.
 Alinsky
Saul
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
 Alito
Noelie
If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.
 Arthur Sullivan
Too much is just enough.
 Attorney General William
Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.
 Aurelius
Marcus
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
 Aurelius
Sextus
Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is
wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that
unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it
not a spectacle to make Balliett
Whitney
"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
we could with both of them."
 Barker
Clive
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
 Ben Franklin
Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.
 Berlioz
Hector
In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her
husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never
be free of subjugation.
 Billings
Josh
Patch griefs with proverbs.
 Billings
Josh
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
 Billings
Josh
Civilization and profits go hand in hand.
 Billings
Josh
So far as we are human, what we do must be either evil or good: so far
as we do evil or good, we are human: and it is better, in a paradoxical
way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist.
 Billings
Josh
Let the people think they govern and they will be governed.
 Billings
Josh
What we see depends on mainly what we look for.
 Billings
Josh
Why was I born with such contemporaries?
 Blake
William
Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?
 Blake
William
Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.
 Blake
William
Free Speech Is The Right To Shout 'Theater' In A Crowded Fire.
 Blake
William
... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something
you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it.
If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you
lucky fool, a Blake
William
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
 Blish
James
The Least Successful Equal Pay Advertisement
In 1976 the European Economic Community pointed out to the Irish
Government that it had not yet implemented the agreed sex equality
legislation. The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal  Bon John Dillinger on
It is better to have loved and lost  Bowles
Colin
I'll never get off this planet.
 Bowles
Colin
We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should govern
their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the center of
their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prohpet, nor
Christians that Shinto Brilliant
Ashleigh
When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not
far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel
is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
 Brilliant
Ashleigh
Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know
any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he
doesn't know much.
 Brilliant
Ashleigh
Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think
about sex at all... they become lawyers.
 Brilliant
Ashleigh
If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from
a laboratory jar at Harvard.
 Brilliant
Ashleigh
No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill,
belonging to it.
 Broughton Philip
Don't be humble ... you're not that great.
 Buckley
William F.
By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.
 Buckley
William F.
The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.
 Burgess
Philip Larkin on Anthony
Imagine me going around with a pot belly. It would mean political ruin.
 Burroughs
William
"California is proud to be the home of the freeway."
 Burroughs
William S.
An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.
 Caesar
Gaius Julius
Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future
pleasure.
 Caesar
Gaius Julius
I use not only all the brains I have, but all those I can borrow as well.
 Caesar
Gaius Julius
Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as
`all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled
with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'
 Caesar
Julius
The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the
people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people
drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.
 Callimachus
Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first
overcome.
 Carlin
George
Sometimes, at the end of the day, when I'm smiling and shaking their hands,
I want to kick them.
 Carpenter
Elizabeth
The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for
lists of "Ten Best".
 Catlin
Wynn
Something better...
13 (sympathetic): Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
14 (complimentary): You must love the little birdies to give them this to
perch on.
15 (scientific): Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
 Celine
Louis-Ferdinand
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
 Channing
William Ellery
In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but
the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they
have obtained from books of travel.
 Chaplin
Charlie
Go away, I'm all right.
 Charles Darling
It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged
to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the
youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.
 Charles Darling
Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.
 Charlie
Crazy
We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to
socialism, because socialism is defunct. It dies all by itself. The bad
thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say socialism?
 Chevalier
Maurice
Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.
 Cicero
Marcus Tullius
If any man wishes to be humbled and mortified, let him become president
of Harvard.
 Cicero
Marcus Tullius
For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in
despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the
implacable grandeur of this life.
 Clarence Darrow to William
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any
use to oneself.
 Clifton Fadiman
The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd
And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven;
The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change.
These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.
 Coo Alistair
A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.
It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.
 Cooke
Alistair
If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk.
If you wish to be happy for three days, get married.
If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it.
If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.
 Cooke
Alistair
A Polish worker walks into a bank to deposit his paycheck. He has heard
about Poland's economic problems, and he asks what would happen to his
money if the bank collapsed. "All of our deposits are guaranteed by the
finance ministry, sir," the telle Coolidge
Calvin
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
 Coolidge
Calvin
A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned
things is ample.
 Coolidge
Calvin
I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as
the greatest of dangers to be feared. To preserve our independence, we must
not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt. If we run into such debts, we
must be taxed i Coolidge
Calvin
It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
 Coolidge
Calvin
America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism
to decadence without touching civilization.
 Coolidge
Calvin
The great nations have always acted like gangsters and the small nations
like prostitutes.
 Coolidge
Calvin
One man's Mede is another man's Persian.
 Cromwell
Oliver
"The State of California has no business subsidizing intellectual curiosity."
 Dali
Salvador
Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.
 Dane
Franklin K.
Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
 Darling Charles
A decade after Vietnam, we still cannot understand why "their"
Salvadorans fight better than "our" Salvadorans. It is not a matter of
their training or their equipment. It has to do with the quality of the
society we are asking them to risk death d Dick
Philip K.
No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.
 Dillinger
John
Everyone is in the best seat.
 Disraeli
Benjamin
Going into politics is as fatal to a gentleman as going into a bordello
is fatal to a virgin.
 Disraeli
Benjamin
The forest is safe because a lion lives therein and the lion is safe because
it lives in a forest. Likewise the friendship of persons rests on mutual help.
 Disraeli
Benjamin
There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.
 Disraeli
Benjamin
He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.
 Disraeli
Benjamin
Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes
a-begging.
 Disraeli Benjamin
All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things
against him, but we never hear his side.
 Donatus
Aelius
After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from
Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought,
and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon
to be created."
"This is true," He replied.
 Elder
Pliny the
If you catch a man, throw him back.
 Eliot
George
The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate
knowledge of its ugly side.
 Eliot
George
I think we are in Rats' Alley where the dead men lost their bones.
 Eliot
T.S.
The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the
House Un-American Activities Committee]. We will determine what rights
you have and what rights you have not got.
 Eliot T.S.
Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.
 Eliot T.S.
If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.
 Eliot T.Sessay
The knowledge that makes us cherish innocence makes innocence unattainable.
 Elizabeth I
"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country. The
Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything. They had no vital lies."
 Elizabeth John Greenway
'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!
 Elliot
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
 Ellis
Havelock
If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his
reverence for all of life.
 Ellis
Havelock
In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.
 Ellis Nancy
Solipsists of the World... you are already united.
 Ellison
Harlan
The primary theme of SoupCon is communication. The acronym "LEO"
represents the secondary theme:
Law Enforcement Officials
The overall theme of SoupCon shall be:
Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials
 Ellison
Harlan
It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the
venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.
 Erlich
Paul
Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is
dropped.
 Fadiman
Clifton
Cold is God's way of teling us to burn more Catholics.
 Fadiman
Clifton
You can never do just one thing.
 Fadiman
Clifton
Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will
probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a
blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.
 Fadiman Clifton
The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic. It showed that
two could be one and one could be two and had probably been fabricated
by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics.
 Faulkner
William
America is a melting pot. You know, where those on the bottom get burned,
and the scum rises to the top.
 Faulkner
William
A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.
 Fee
Elizabeth
You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you
know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains...
they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment
they cross the mountains into California,  Francisc Colin Bowles San
What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
 Franklin
B.
The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be
addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally
important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not
expecting everyone else to ad Franklin
B.
Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
 Franklin
B.
Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that
reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away
someone else's cash.
 Franklin
B.
Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.
 Franklin
B.
The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to
watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.
 Franklin
B.
Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
 Franklin
Ben
There's no justice in this world.
 Franklin
Ben
I used to be a rebel in my youth.
This cause... that cause... (chuckle) I backed 'em ALL! But I learned.
Rebellion is simply a device used by the immature to hide from his own
problems. So I lost interest in politics. Now when I feel aroused by
 Franklin
Ben
For years a secret shame destroyed my peace Franklin
Benjamin
There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good."
And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"
 Franklin
Benjamin
Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.
 Franklin
Benjamin
A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him
what he meant.
 Franklin
Benjamin
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
 Franklin
Benjamin
To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.
 Franklin
Benjamin
In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"
 Franklin
Benjamin
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
 Franklin
Benjamin
There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break
about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get
about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor
get it in the winter.
 Franklin Benjamin
Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young.
 Franklin Benjamin
We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.
 G. Gordon Liddy's
The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that
the end justifies the means.
 Galilei
Galileo
The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.
 Garrison
William Lloyd
Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
 Gibran
Kahlil
I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.
 Gibran
Kahlil
If you aren't rich you should always look useful.
 Gibran
Kahlil
[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment
where everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand
more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.
 Gilliam
E.A.
Politicians speak for their parties, and parties never are, never have
been, and never will be wrong.
 Gordon
Karen Elizabeth
The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
 Halsey
Admiral William
Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
 Hazlitt
William
The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.
 Hellman
Lillian
"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with
reality at any point."
 Heraclitus
Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with
little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.
 Hodder-Williams
Christopher
Too much of everything is just enough.
 Holmes
Oliver Wendell
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
 Holmes
Oliver Wendell
The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.
 Huntingd Collis P.
An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or
one-and-a-half truths.
 James
Clive
You can't have your cake and let your neighbor eat it too.
 James
William
"There is a God, but He drinks"
 James
William
If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.
 Jim Starlin
Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to
know the answers.
 Jim Starlin
The streets were dark with something more than night.
 John Lightfoot
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
 Joke
The Killing
... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce
Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing
I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody
gets handed a name like "H.  Jones
Franklin P.
All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
 Jones
Franklin P.
Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.
 Jones
Franklin P.
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
 Jones
Franklin P.
Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.
 Joplin
Janis
Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'.
We their sons are more worthless than they:
so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt.
 Juliana Queen
No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep
awake all day.
 Julius Caesar
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
 Juvenalis
Decimus Junius
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
 Juvenalis
Decimus Junius
My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems,
and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be
reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent
to what we do; it has no fe Kahlil Gibran
Where there is much light there is also much shadow.
 Kipling
Rudyard
I had never been too political, but I knew how white people treated black
people and it was hard for me to come back to the bullshit white people
put a black person through in this country. To realize you don't have any
power to make things differen Kirk
Lisa
Tempt not a desperate man.
 Larsen Dalglish
Most general statements are false, including this one.
 LeBoutillier
J.
Take what you can use and let the rest go by.
 LeoGrande William
A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of
trouble.
 Leslie Stephen
Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.
 Leslie Stephen
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.
 Lester
Julius
I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I
don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected
with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,
the food cheaper, and old men Li Woman's
"It's a summons."
"What's a summons?"
"It means summon's in trouble."
 Li Mark Twain
"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"
 Lie
Trygve
Americans' greatest fear is that America will turn out to have been a
phenomenon, not a civilization.
 Liebling
A.J.
I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves
for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice. To be a man
is to suffer for others.
 Liebling A.J.
When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men
live content.
 Liepmann
Hans
Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would
say that it had merely been detected.
 Lieutenant Kermit Tyler
If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.
 Lilly
John
Time goes, you say?
Ah no!
Time stays, *we* go.
 Lincoln
A.
If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
make the rubble bounce.
 Lincoln
Abraham
If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation
and go home.
 Lincoln
Abraham
Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.
 Lincoln
Abraham
A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than
he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both high posts are reserved for men
favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter
facts of life in bandages of self-illus Lincoln
Abraham
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
 Lincoln
Abraham
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.
 Lincoln
Abraham
Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.
 Lincoln
Abraham
I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I
don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected
with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,
the food cheaper, and old men Lincoln
Abraham
Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.
 Lindbergh
Charles
The nearer to the church, the further from God.
 Ling
James J.
I would much rather have men ask why I have no statue, than why I have one.
 Lippmann
Walter
The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but
not the problem we thought was the problem.
 Lippmann
Walter
"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into
the smallest amount of thoughts."
 Little
Mary Wilson
I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.
 Little
Rich
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a
dirty little beast.
 Longworth
Alice Roosevelt
What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.
 Longworth
Alice Roosevelt
Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.
 Longworth
Alice Roosevelt
Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how
weak he is.
 Machiavelli
You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle
is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.
 Machiavelli
Niccolo
"Quite frankly, I don't like you humans. After what you all have done,
I find being 'inhuman' a compliment."
 Man
Little Big
He didn't run for reelection. "Politics brings you into contact with all
the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."
 Marcus Tullius Cicero
Praise the sea; on shore remain.
 Mari Clive James on
Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the
creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their
essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving
the earth, like because the first th McCarthy
Charlie
Why are you doing this to me?
Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before
there is change.
 McCarthy
Charlie
Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.
 McCorkle
Julia Norton
Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.
 Melvin Belli
You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads
lead down.
 Miller.
Olin
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
 Moliere
I hate quotations.
 Morris William
If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.
 Moss
Stirling
... [after the announcement of Vanguard] ... Secretary of Defense Charles
Wilson (the same "Engine Charlie" who once told the Senate, "[F]or years
I've thought that what was good for our country was good for General Motors,
and vice versa," probably  North
Lt. Col. Ollie
Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.
 North
Oliver
The better part of valor is discretion.
 Novem The Realist
Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats!
Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!
 Oliver
Put a rogue in the limelight and he will act like an honest man.
 Oliver
It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its
proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community a
better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to treat
your own family with loving un Orton
William
Everlasting peace will come to the world when the last man has slain
the last but one.
 Palindromist
The Mad
A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
 Paul Tillich German
When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,"
it's the money.
 Penn William
Interesting poll results reported in today's New York Post: people on the
street in midtown Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the US
invasion of Grenada. Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no;
and 8 percent said "Gimme a quart Perlis
Alan J.
To be is to be related.
 Philip Hale Boston
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
 Philips
Emo
Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy
of him that brought her birth.
 Phillips
Emo
I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
 Phillips
Utah
Since we're all here, we must not be all there.
 Player
Willis
A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
 Professor
English
No man is useless who has a friend, and if we are loved we are indispensable.
 Publilius
Don't vote  Publius Ovidius Naso
I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a
toilet seat.
 Publius Terentius Afer
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
 Publius Terentius Afer
Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents
for postage and 30 cents for storage.
 Publius Terentius Afer
A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.
 Publius Terentius Afer
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
 Publius Vergilius Maro
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather
a new wearer of clothes.
 Publius Vergilius Maro
Chapter 1
The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot
of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
 Publius Vergilius Maro
The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in
bed with a dead girl or a live boy.
 Publius Vergilius Maro
God is Dead.
 Pulitzer
Joseph
"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of
the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the
cost to others, to win advancement."
 Richard
Little
Life is a series of rude awakenings.
 Rockwell
George Lincoln
Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than
being flat broke and having a stomach ache.
 Roosevelt
Franklin D.
Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the
rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.
 Roosevelt
Franklin D.
Once is happenstance,
Twice is coincidence,
Three times is enemy action.
 Roosevelt
Franklin Delano
The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.
 Salinger
J. D.
'Martyrdom' is the only way a person can become famous without ability.
 Sandra Gotlieb
You've always made the mistake of being yourself.
 Schlafly
Phyllis
If you want divine justice, die.
 Secundus
Gaius Plinius
The best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts
of kindness and love.
 Serling
Rod
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a
knob called "brightness", but it doesn't seem to work.
 Shake William
I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or
whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
 Shake William
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
 Shake William
To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.
 Shake William
Then there's the story of the man who avoided reality for 70 years
with drugs, sex, alcohol, fantasy, TV, movies, records, a hobby, lots of
sleep... And on his 80th birthday died without ever having faced any of
his real problems.
The man's young Shake William
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
 Shake William
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
 Shake William
A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.
 Shake William
A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I
believe everything positively stinks.
 Shake William
Any president should have the right to shoot at least two people a year
without explanation.
 Shake William
Sic transit gloria mundi.
[So passes away the glory of this world.]
 Shake William
Two heads are better than one.
 Shakes William
The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today.
 Shakes William
A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.
 Shakesp William
The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another
mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same
being who produces the impressions.
 Shakesp William
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
 Shakesp William
It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better
still to be a live lion. And usually easier.
 Shakespear William
You guys have been practicing discrimination for years. Now it's our turn.
 Shakespear William
The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing,
the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its
own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god
of the Northern Ocean, h Shakespear William
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.
 Shakespear William
At twenty-six, Kate, though not promiscuous, had slept with most of the
decent men in public life.
 Shakespear William
Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the
ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.
 Shakespeare
William
In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
 Shakespeare William
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for
the people.
 Shakespeare William
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
 Shakespeare William
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
taken seriously.
 Shakespeare William
Language is a virus from another planet.
 Shakespeare William
... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the
existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great
systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative
hypothesis of an extremely low order of prob Shakespeare William
Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available
briefcases.
 Shakespeare William
The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to
everybody and still nobody likes him.
 Shakespeare William
The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.
 Shakespeare William
I shall give a propagandist reason for starting the war, no matter whether
it is plausible or not. The victor will not be asked afterwards whether
he told the truth or not. When starting and waging war it is not right
that matters, but victory.
 Shakespeare William
Man proposes, God disposes.
 Shakespeare William
"If we relied conclusively on scientific data for every one of our
findings, I'm afraid all of our work would be inconclusive."
 Shakespeare William
Not all who own a harp are harpers.
 Shakespeare William
"First World" nations are the ones where people drive Japanese cars;
"Second World" nations are where First World residents go on vacation;
and "Third World" nations are the ones where people still dive out of
trees to prove their manhood.
 Shakespeare William
A snake lurks in the grass.
 Shakespeare William
Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that
reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away
someone else's cash.
 Shakespeare William
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination.
When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
 Shakespeare William
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
 Shaw Pygmali
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
 Stalin
Joseph
The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it
were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
 Stalin
Joseph
When there are two conflicting versions of the story, the wise course
is to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.
 Stalin
Joseph
Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
 Stalin
Joseph
Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
be irresponsible, too.
 Stephen
Leslie
On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
 Strachey
Lionel
Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.
 Syrus
Publilius
Prizes are for children.
 Syrus
Publilius
I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
and they never believe me.
 Syrus
Publilius
A rich man told me recently that a liberal is a man who tells other
people what to do with their money.
 Syrus
Publilius
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who
will get the blame.
 Syrus
Publilius
Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're
of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain
an uncontainable experience.
 Syrus
Publilius
In the plot, people came to the land; the land loved them; they worked and
struggled and had lots of children. There was a Frenchman who talked funny
and a greenhorn from England who was a fancy-pants but when it came to the
crunch he was all courag Syrus
Publilius
The reasons that each of these countries has had to renege on its
financial committments were all somewhat different: Argentina because of
a war, Poland because of its vast misguided overinvestment in heavy
industry, Honduras because the coffee price Syrus
Publilius
You'd best be snoozin', 'cause you don't be gettin' no work done at 5 a.m.
anyway.
 Syrus
Publilius
Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't the remotest
knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.
 Syrus
Publilius
To use violence is to already be defeated.
 Syrus
Publilius
Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?
 Syrus
Publius
Don't go to bed with no price on your head.
 T.S. Eliot
Rome was not built in one day.
 Taylor
Elizabeth
The only reward of virtue is virtue.
 The Outer Limits
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go
to erase it.
 Tiselius
Arne
It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
 Titus Livius
It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.
 Tomlin
Lily
I would have made a good pope.
 Tomlin
Lily
The only thing that experience teaches us is that experience teaches us nothing.
 Tomlin
Lily
There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced
by circumstances to meet.
 Tomlin
Lily
It is the wisdom of crocodiles, that shed tears when they would devour.
 Tomlin
Lily
The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.
 Tomlin
Lily
Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret.
 Tomlin
Lily
Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would.
The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.
 Trillin
Calvin
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not
fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not
spending money alone. It is spending t Trilling
Lionel
All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes
infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in
which he was born.
 Wagner
Lichty &
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
 Walinsky
Adam
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
 War Oliver
An older student came to Otis and said, "I have been to see a
great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures.
I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment.
I have given up everything I was aske Wellington
The Duke of
Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
we deserve.
 Wellington Duke
Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.
 Wells
J. Wellington
Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!
 Wells
J. Wellington
Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this:
to know so much and have control over nothing.
 Whalen
Philip
The public is an old woman. Let her maunder and mumble.
 White
William Allen
The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The
terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.
 White
William Allen
God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant
and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.
 Willard F. Libby
The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it
about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that
you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?
 William
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
you believe?!"
 William Gibson
When we jumped into Sicily, the units became separated, and I couldn't find
anyone. Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major, three captains,
two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the bridge. Never in the
history of war have s William S. Paley
A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be
too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which
was intended for her preservation.
 William Shakespeare
The propriety of some persons seems to consist in having improper
thoughts about their neighbours.
 William Shakespeare
There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
other is to read Pope.
 William Shakespeare
VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
entrances; others cannot.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least
it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to
 William Shakespeare
War hath no fury like a non-combatant.
 William Shakespeare
In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless
he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client
has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated
that "If I had w Williams
H.H.
The very first essential for success is a perpetually constant and regular
employment of violence.
 Williams
Robin
When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but
only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered
glass and splintered wood, like a house in a whirlwind, or else a boat
crushed by the icebergs or swept over the Williams
Tennessee
A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
 Williams Robin
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
 Williamson
Ren'e de Visme
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
 Williamson
Nicol
I needed the good will of the legislature of four states. I formed the
legislative bodies with my own money. I found that it was cheaper that way.
 Williamson Dr. Paul
"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing,
you should hear me play piano.'"
 Willie Sutton
Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.
 Yeats
William Butler
I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on
earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has
succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a
goal in front and not behin Yutang
Lin
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
 Zwart
Elizabeth Clarkson
If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the
separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience,
it might well prolong his life.
 proverb
Italian
Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the
forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind
the railroad yards."
 proverb
Polish
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Random Quote
Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God
is a cruel and capricious tyrant.
 Gibbon
Edward
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