Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

The eye is a menace to clear sight, the ear is a menace to subtle hearing, the mind is a menace to wisdom, every organ of the senses is a menace to its own capacity. ... Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god of the Northern Ocean, h

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...

Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]

Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.

Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.

Walking on water wasn't built in a day.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them WHAT to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

Better late than never.

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

There is no fool to the old fool.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Flame on!

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.

Look ere ye leap.

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

The Angels want to wear my red shoes.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

Beggars should be no choosers.

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

In my end is my beginning.

To lead people, you must follow behind.

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

The first requisite for immortality is death.

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."

Who's scruffy-looking?

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest r

I know on which side my bread is buttered.

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

God instructs the heart, not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

Honesty's the best policy.

Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

What one fool can do, another can.

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Never buy from a rich salesman.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general education and culture.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

A man's house is his castle.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Things are not always what they seem.

Nonsense and beauty have close connections.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

I love treason but hate a traitor.

The salary of the chief executive of the large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

A witty saying proves nothing.

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.

The world wants to be deceived.

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Faith is under the left nipple.

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

The more the merrier.

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

It is better to have loved and lost

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

Nothing succeeds like success.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

There's no such thing as an original sin.

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I ever needed one. Needless

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.

"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Another day, another dollar.

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

There is no proverb that is not true.

Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

Fear is the greatest salesman.

If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

A snake lurks in the grass.

What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

What!? Me worry?

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent

A furore Normanorum libera nos, O Domine! [From the fury of the norsemen deliver us, O Lord!]

I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

God is Dead.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know.

Piece of cake!

"You mean, if you allow the master to be uncivil, to treat you any old way he likes, and to insult your dignity, then he may deem you fit to hear his view of things?" "Quite the contrary. You must defend your integrity, assuming you have integrit

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

To do two things at once is to do neither.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

The fact that it works is immaterial.

Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

Television is now so desperately hungry for material that it is scraping the top of the barrel.

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

The trouble with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives. I don't see why I should have to believe in it in this one.

The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Home is where the hurt is.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.

I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Let your conscience be your guide.

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

One big pile is better than two little piles.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Zero Mostel: That's it baby! When you got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them... Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced only by Masters of the Universal Way of

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.

A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

In charity there is no excess.

Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking: WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS: YOU WRITE: Probably the greatest quality of the poetry John Milton

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Nothing endures but change.

We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness th

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

There is a good deal of solemn cant about the common interests of capital and labour. As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting each other's throat.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.

Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

The faster we go, the rounder we get.

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

I will make you shorter by the head.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.