A sad spectacle. If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly. If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.

It is only by risking our persons from one hour to another that we live at all. And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true.

Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

The Worst Musical Trio There are few bad musicians who have a chance to give a recital at a famous concert hall while still learning the rudiments of their instrument. This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian gentleman who was

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Let your conscience be your guide.

If you want divine justice, die.

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

You can never do just one thing.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Small is beautiful.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

To add insult to injury.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

The first requisite for immortality is death.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

There is always something new out of Africa.

Moneyliness is next to Godliness.

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

There are many of us in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get about the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer and the poor get it in the winter.

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Not all who own a harp are harpers.

There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

All of us should treasure his Oriental wisdom and his preaching of a Zen-like detachment, as exemplified by his constant reminder to clerks, tellers, or others who grew excited by his presence in their banks: "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

"I'm dying," he croaked. "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted . "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized. "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered. "The fire is going out," he bellowed. "Bad marksmanship," the h

A man is known by the company he organizes.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

The fact that it works is immaterial.

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

When the sun shineth, make hay.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.

The more the merrier.

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Men are superior to women.

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Mum's the word.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Necessity hath no law.

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Words have a longer life than deeds.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year.

Out of sight is out of mind.

Briefly stated, the findings are that when presented with an array of data or a sequence of events in which they are instructed to discover an underlying order, subjects show strong tendencies to perceive order and causality in random arrays, to perc

Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on the dance floor. Now everyone's doing it. It's called grand slam dancing.

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

We have art that we do not die of the truth.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

There's no justice in this world.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Mo

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.

"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'. I said, `That's nothing, you should hear me play piano.'"

All is well that ends well.

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

The world wants to be deceived.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Nothing succeeds like excess.

Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.

Knowledge is power.

Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

"Do you think there's a God?" "Well, ____SOMEbody's out to get me!"

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Go away, I'm all right.

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

What fools these mortals be.

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.

Anything is possible on paper.

What an artist dies with me!

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.

You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

Events are not affected, they develop.

Force has no place where there is need of skill.

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Your wig steers the gig.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

All phone calls are obscene.

Two heads are better than one.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

We are what we pretend to be.

If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Look before you leap.

What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

In my end is my beginning.

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

While there's life, there's hope.

What!? Me worry?

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

There must be more to life than having everything.

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

No good deed goes unpunished.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home center. And before long ho

Things are not always what they seem.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.

Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty feet.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

Real wealth can only increase.

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

I'll turn over a new leaf.

To have died once is enough.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

If God is One, what is bad?

You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?

Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no training. And there's no reason for it. So what if I didn't attend the Royal Academy for twelve years? I'm still a professional trying to be the best actress I can. Why doesn't anyone

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

There seems no plan because it is all plan.

Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

Fortune's Guide to Freshman Notetaking: WHEN THE PROFESSOR SAYS: YOU WRITE: Probably the greatest quality of the poetry John Milton

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it. Don't ever do this to my eyes again.

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Once, I read that a man be never stronger than when he truly realizes how weak he is.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Solipsists of the World... you are already united.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

To lead people, you must follow behind.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Genius is pain.

In the highest society, as well as in the lowest, woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

A woman who is guided by the head and not by the heart is a social pestilence: she has all the defects of the passionate and affectionate woman, with none of her compensations; she is without pity, without love, without virtue, without sex.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

There's no such thing as an original sin.

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

The streets were dark with something more than night.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

XLI: The more one produces, the less one gets. XLII: Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing. XLIII: Hardware works best when it matters the least. XLIV: Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a we

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

To generalize is to be an idiot.

Don't go to bed with no price on your head.