Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.

I do not patronize poor, ill educated, or disenfranchised people by exempting them from the same critical examination I feel free to direct toward the rest of society, however much I might champion the same minority or disadvantaged group in the foru

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

April 1 This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Many hands make light work.

Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.

Another day, another dollar.

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

War is like love, it always finds a way.

"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar."

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Home is where the hurt is.

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

There but for the grace of God, goes God.

I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.

There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

... difference of opinion is advantagious in religion. The several sects perform the office of a common censor morum over each other. Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity,

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Innovation is hard to schedule.

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.

And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

"There is a God, but He drinks"

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

There is a limit to the admiration we may hold for a man who spends his waking hours poking the contents of chickens with a stick.

Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Every why hath a wherefore.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.

A man's house is his castle.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Majorities, of course, start with minorities.

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

They're giving bank robbing a bad name.

What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

What one fool can do, another can.

So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry.

I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.