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Big book, big bore.

Englan Mark Twain on New


Well, don't worry about it... It's nothing.

Li Mark Twain


Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Mark Twain


"Life is too important to take seriously."

Mark Twain


Look, we trade every day out there with hustlers, deal-makers, shysters, con-men. That's the way businesses get started. That's the way this country was built.

Mark Twain


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Mark Twain


Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Mark Twain


A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

Mark Twain


A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

Mark Twain


You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Mark Twain


There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

Mark Twain


The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

Mark Twain


What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

Twain Mark


It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Twain Mark


I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Twain Mark


What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?

Twain Mark


It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensiv

Twain Mark


Every why hath a wherefore.

Twain Mark


The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Twain Mark


The fact that it works is immaterial.

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Where there is much light there is also much shadow.

Twain Mark


[District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a

Twain Mark


Time as he grows old teaches all things.

Twain Mark


To add insult to injury.

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You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Twain Mark


To have died once is enough.

Twain Mark


If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.

Twain Mark


Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.

Twain Mark


TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Twain Mark


Littering is dumb.

Twain Mark


... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

Twain Mark


Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

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Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Twain Mark


Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Twain Mark


General notions are generally wrong.

Twain Mark


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

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Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Twain Mark


The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

Twain Mark


Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

Twain Mark


By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.

Twain Mark


Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Twain Mark


Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

Twain Mark


Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.

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A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

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We're only in it for the volume.

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Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

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Must I hold a candle to my shames?

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Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Twain Mark


Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

Twain Mark


There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty. "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."

Twain Mark


Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!

Twain Mark


The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Twain Mark


There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings.

Twain Mark


Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

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When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

Twain Mark


Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

Twain Mark


The faster I go, the behinder I get.

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The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.

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It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.

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Who's scruffy-looking?

Twain Mark


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Twain Mark


Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

Twain Mark


This was the most unkindest cut of all.

Twain Mark


There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.

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The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Twain Mark


If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Twain Mark


A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Twain Mark


Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.

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Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Twain Mark


Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

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I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Twain Mark


Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

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God gave man two ears and one tongue so that we listen twice as much as we speak.

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Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Twain Mark


"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

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If there is no wind, row.

Twain Mark


If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each

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When I first arrived in this country I had only fifteen cents in my pocket and a willingness to compromise.

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Honesty's the best policy.

Twain Mark


If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Twain Mark


Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

Twain Mark


The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, cr

Twain Mark


Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

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There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

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If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

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In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

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If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

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It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.

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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

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We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

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Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Twain Mark


Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is what you get when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.

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There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

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If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Twain Mark





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He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
Swift Jonathan

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Mark Twain
 
 
 
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