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A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Englan Mark Twain on New


Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Li Mark Twain


Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Mark Twain


When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Mark Twain


It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Mark Twain


When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Mark Twain


I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Mark Twain


Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

Mark Twain


If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Mark Twain


Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

Mark Twain


...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Mark Twain


Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

Mark Twain


A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

Twain Mark


XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Twain Mark


"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Twain Mark


Innovation is hard to schedule.

Twain Mark


Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Twain Mark


In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Twain Mark


Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Twain Mark


Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Twain Mark


Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Twain Mark


Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Twain Mark


If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Twain Mark


Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Twain Mark


Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Twain Mark


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Twain Mark


A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

Twain Mark


The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Twain Mark


Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Twain Mark


One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

Twain Mark


We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

Twain Mark


A word to the wise is enough.

Twain Mark


Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Twain Mark


I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Twain Mark


Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

Twain Mark


All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Twain Mark


If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Twain Mark


I owe the public nothing.

Twain Mark


If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Twain Mark


Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Twain Mark


He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Twain Mark


Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Twain Mark


The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Twain Mark


Don't guess

Twain Mark


Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Twain Mark


Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

Twain Mark


For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Twain Mark


Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Twain Mark


Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

Twain Mark


This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Twain Mark


What one fool can do, another can.

Twain Mark


In charity there is no excess.

Twain Mark


Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Twain Mark


When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Twain Mark


A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Twain Mark


If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

Twain Mark


The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Twain Mark


All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Twain Mark


Nothing succeeds like excess.

Twain Mark


I hate dying.

Twain Mark


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Twain Mark


Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

Twain Mark


"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

Twain Mark


The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Twain Mark


It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Twain Mark


There is no proverb that is not true.

Twain Mark


What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Twain Mark


Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Twain Mark


Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Twain Mark


The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Twain Mark


If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Twain Mark


Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Twain Mark


A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Twain Mark


Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Twain Mark


Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Twain Mark


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Twain Mark


A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

Twain Mark


The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

Twain Mark


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Twain Mark


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Twain Mark


The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Twain Mark


The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Twain Mark


The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

Twain Mark


All is well that ends well.

Twain Mark


"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Twain Mark


There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Twain Mark


A place for everything and everything in its place.

Twain Mark


Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

Twain Mark


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Twain Mark


Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Twain Mark


Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Twain Mark


The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Twain Mark


Men are superior to women.

Twain Mark


L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Twain Mark


It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Twain Mark





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There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
Maugham Somerset

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Mark Twain
 
 
 
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