Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

Turn the other cheek.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

Another day, another dollar.

No is no negative in a woman's mouth.

"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

I stick my neck out for nobody.

Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

A prediction is worth twenty explanations.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.

The man who runs may fight again.

No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

You can never do just one thing.

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.

While there's life, there's hope.

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

What we do not understand we do not possess.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Rome was not built in one day.

Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Men are superior to women.

In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Language is a virus from another planet.

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Rembrandt is not to be compared in the painting of character with our extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

The faster I go, the behinder I get.

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions: We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Never have so many understood so little about so much.

Charity begins at home.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

XXVI: If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance. XXVII: Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank. XXVIII: It is better to be the r

Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no training. And there's no reason for it. So what if I didn't attend the Royal Academy for twelve years? I'm still a professional trying to be the best actress I can. Why doesn't anyone

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for the human condition is a fool.

The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.

If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

What an artist dies with me!

We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.

Nothing succeeds like excess.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

We're only in it for the volume.

"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

Honesty's the best policy.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

Words have a longer life than deeds.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home.

In charity there is no excess.

Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat Russian, get off my Ford Escort."

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.