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Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak
it to?
 Englan Mark Twain on New
Turn the other cheek.
 Li Mark Twain
Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.
 Mark Twain
It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas,
and not in circumstances.
 Mark Twain
'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!
 Mark Twain
At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all
my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my
ignorance upon the shore.
 Mark Twain
We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.
 Mark Twain
Another day, another dollar.
 Mark Twain
No is no negative in a woman's mouth.
 Mark Twain
"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"
 Mark Twain
Pauca sed matura.
[Few but excellent.]
 Mark Twain
"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."
 Mark Twain
Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and
took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of
his followers.
One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and
there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She  Twain
Mark
I stick my neck out for nobody.
 Twain
Mark
Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool
sets for under $4?" An excellent question.
Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell
plastic furniture in colors visible from the planet Neptune and where they
 Twain
Mark
I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the
reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if
I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.
 Twain
Mark
A prediction is worth twenty explanations.
 Twain
Mark
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
 Twain
Mark
It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the
devil when he is the only explanation of it.
 Twain
Mark
The man who runs may fight again.
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Mark
No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of
them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe
their wish has been granted.
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Mark
I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
 Twain
Mark
You can never do just one thing.
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Mark
My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
 Twain
Mark
Perhaps no person can be a poet, or even enjoy poetry without a certain
unsoundness of mind.
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Mark
While there's life, there's hope.
 Twain
Mark
A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.
 Twain
Mark
I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.
 Twain
Mark
When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm
yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him.
Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive
out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y Twain
Mark
What we do not understand we do not possess.
 Twain
Mark
Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
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Mark
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
 Twain
Mark
Rome was not built in one day.
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Mark
Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.
 Twain
Mark
He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.
 Twain
Mark
The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases:
"Let our thoughts be correct".
 Twain
Mark
Men are superior to women.
 Twain
Mark
In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to
his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's
kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment
was expressed by Thomas K. Co Twain
Mark
Language is a virus from another planet.
 Twain
Mark
Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.
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Mark
Divorce is a game played by lawyers.
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Mark
Rembrandt is not to be compared in the painting of character with our
extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.
 Twain
Mark
This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.
 Twain
Mark
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.
 Twain
Mark
The faster I go, the behinder I get.
 Twain
Mark
A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
replaces it with.
 Twain
Mark
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
 Twain
Mark
It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.
 Twain
Mark
All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too,
provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe
to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the
cost of your house, beca Twain
Mark
Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions:
We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch"
may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine
species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used whe Twain
Mark
Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high,
they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.
 Twain
Mark
Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.
 Twain
Mark
If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around.
Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's
as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for
you'll see a lot of it and y Twain
Mark
Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not
take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.
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Mark
When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
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Mark
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior
spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive
with our frail and feeble mind.
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Mark
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
make it shorter.
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Mark
Never have so many understood so little about so much.
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Mark
Charity begins at home.
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Mark
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
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Mark
XXVI:
If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each
other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance.
XXVII:
Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank.
XXVIII:
It is better to be the r Twain
Mark
Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no training.
And there's no reason for it. So what if I didn't attend the Royal Academy
for twelve years? I'm still a professional trying to be the best actress
I can. Why doesn't anyone Twain
Mark
Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of
those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the
will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of
government, therefore, Twain
Mark
And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the
hour of separation.
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Mark
If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.
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Mark
The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands
what will sell.
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Mark
He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for
the human condition is a fool.
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Mark
The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.
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Mark
If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to
do something else.
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Mark
We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.
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Mark
What an artist dies with me!
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Mark
We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary
to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know.
Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition
to crave knowledge.
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Mark
It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
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Mark
Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided
at all costs.
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Mark
Nothing succeeds like excess.
 Twain Mark
If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three
years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law
school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.
 Twain Mark
There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.
 Twain Mark
We're only in it for the volume.
 Twain Mark
"Spare no expense to save money on this one."
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Honesty's the best policy.
 Twain Mark
Everything is possible. Pass the word.
 Twain Mark
We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable
things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend
and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.
 Twain Mark
But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable
nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.
 Twain Mark
Words have a longer life than deeds.
 Twain Mark
It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our
offense consists in doubting it.
 Twain Mark
Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to
examine the laws of heat.
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It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
lightly greased.
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If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
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If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation
and go home.
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In charity there is no excess.
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Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a
rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best.
 Twain Mark
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
 Twain Mark
Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
 Twain Mark
The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet
themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week
against the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: "Hey you stinking, fat
Russian, get off my Ford Escort."
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Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
 Twain Mark
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Random Quote
The politician is someone who deals in man's problems of adjustment.
To ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog.
 Fuller
Buckminster
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