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Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Englan Mark Twain on New


You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.

Li Mark Twain


I do not patronize poor, ill educated, or disenfranchised people by exempting them from the same critical examination I feel free to direct toward the rest of society, however much I might champion the same minority or disadvantaged group in the foru

Mark Twain


You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Mark Twain


Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

Mark Twain


The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

Mark Twain


April 1 This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Mark Twain


Many hands make light work.

Mark Twain


Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.

Mark Twain


Another day, another dollar.

Mark Twain


Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

Mark Twain


Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Mark Twain


In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.

Twain Mark


There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Twain Mark


Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

Twain Mark


When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Twain Mark


When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Twain Mark


Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

Twain Mark


One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

Twain Mark


Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Twain Mark


If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Twain Mark


Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Twain Mark


War is like love, it always finds a way.

Twain Mark


"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar."

Twain Mark


Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Twain Mark


A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

Twain Mark


Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

Twain Mark


If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Twain Mark


I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Twain Mark


If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Twain Mark


Home is where the hurt is.

Twain Mark


Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

Twain Mark


There but for the grace of God, goes God.

Twain Mark


I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

Twain Mark


Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

Twain Mark


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Twain Mark


The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.

Twain Mark


There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. The other is to like it rationally.

Twain Mark


... difference of opinion is advantagious in religion. The several sects perform the office of a common censor morum over each other. Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity,

Twain Mark


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Twain Mark


There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Twain Mark


University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Twain Mark


No good deed goes unpunished.

Twain Mark


Innovation is hard to schedule.

Twain Mark


The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.

Twain Mark


When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

Twain Mark


I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behin

Twain Mark


A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.

Twain Mark


And they mainly want to teach them not to question, not to imagine, but to be obedient and behave well so that they can hold them forever as children to their bosom as the second millennium lurches toward its panicky close.

Twain Mark


A good reputation is more valuable than money.

Twain Mark


"There is a God, but He drinks"

Twain Mark


When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

Twain Mark


There is a limit to the admiration we may hold for a man who spends his waking hours poking the contents of chickens with a stick.

Twain Mark


Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.

Twain Mark


An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

Twain Mark


He thought of Musashi, the Sword Saint, standing in his garden more than three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked. In answer, Musashi summoned a pupil of his and bid him kill himself by slashing his abdomen with a knife.

Twain Mark


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Twain Mark


Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Twain Mark


He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Twain Mark


Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.

Twain Mark


What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

Twain Mark


The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.

Twain Mark


A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

Twain Mark


Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Twain Mark


Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.

Twain Mark


Every why hath a wherefore.

Twain Mark


An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Twain Mark


...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Twain Mark


The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its great scholars great men.

Twain Mark


A man's house is his castle.

Twain Mark


"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Twain Mark


Majorities, of course, start with minorities.

Twain Mark


If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

Twain Mark


Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.

Twain Mark


They're giving bank robbing a bad name.

Twain Mark


What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?

Twain Mark


L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Twain Mark


Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Twain Mark


The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

Twain Mark


The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence that it is not utterly absurd; indeed, in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.

Twain Mark


Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Twain Mark


Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

Twain Mark


What one fool can do, another can.

Twain Mark


So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were

Twain Mark


The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Twain Mark


It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Twain Mark


Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Twain Mark


You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Twain Mark


You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

Twain Mark


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Twain Mark


The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.

Twain Mark


Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Twain Mark


Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

Twain Mark


There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry.

Twain Mark


I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a painting by Goya.

Twain Mark





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Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
Shakespeare

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Mark Twain
 
 
 
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