A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.

I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 0. integrated 0. management 0. options 1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility 2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability 3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility 4. functional 4. digital 4. programming 5. re

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Innovation is hard to schedule.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Sic transit gloria mundi. [So passes away the glory of this world.]

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

A word to the wise is enough.

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

I owe the public nothing.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Don't guess

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Like, if I'm not for me, then fer shure, like who will be? And if, y'know, if I'm not like fer anyone else, then hey, I mean, what am I? And if not now, like I dunno, maybe like when? And if not Who, then I dunno, maybe like the Rolling Stones?

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

What one fool can do, another can.

In charity there is no excess.

Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

Nothing succeeds like excess.

I hate dying.

Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

There is no proverb that is not true.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

The price of success in philosophy is triviality.

All is well that ends well.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by tur

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Men are superior to women.

L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.