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A woman takes off her claim to respect along with her garments.

Englan Mark Twain on New


He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

Li Mark Twain


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Mark Twain


Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.

Mark Twain


L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.

Mark Twain


I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Mark Twain


I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Mark Twain


The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul is: WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Mark Twain


There must be more to life than having everything.

Mark Twain


The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them.

Mark Twain


He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Mark Twain


God is Dead.

Mark Twain


Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.

Twain Mark


After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

Twain Mark


Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

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If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

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Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Twain Mark


Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Twain Mark


The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

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Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

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If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

Twain Mark


A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Twain Mark


A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

Twain Mark


What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

Twain Mark


A good name lost is seldom regained. When character is gone, all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.

Twain Mark


A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

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"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."

Twain Mark


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

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Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Twain Mark


There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Twain Mark


I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

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Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

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My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

Twain Mark


Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.

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If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Twain Mark


So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Twain Mark


A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.

Twain Mark


What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.

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Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Twain Mark


Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.

Twain Mark


"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Twain Mark


Don't guess

Twain Mark


The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Twain Mark


Thou hast seen nothing yet.

Twain Mark


You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

Twain Mark


Then, gently touching my face, she hesitated for a moment as her incredible eyes poured forth into mine love, joy, pain, tragedy, acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly.

Twain Mark


There is more to life than increasing its speed.

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Language is a virus from another planet.

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To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

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Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

Twain Mark


Facts are the enemy of truth.

Twain Mark


"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Twain Mark


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Twain Mark


If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

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Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

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Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

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You can never do just one thing.

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Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.

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We are what we pretend to be.

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The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Twain Mark


No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

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Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Twain Mark


Competitive fury is not always anger. It is the true missionary's courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.

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A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

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If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

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When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

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One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.

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Honesty's the best policy.

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We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.

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All men know the utility of useful things; but they do not know the utility of futility.

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We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

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Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

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IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

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"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

Twain Mark


Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Twain Mark


'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

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The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

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Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

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By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

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I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

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Lo! Men have become the tool of their tools.

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The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

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A sinking ship gathers no moss.

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Littering is dumb.

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Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

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Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

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We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.

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Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.

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Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.

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What we wish, that we readily believe.

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... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Twain Mark


A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

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Plastic... Aluminum... These are the inheritors of the Universe! Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!

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A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

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Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

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With all the talent around, it's sort of amazing that a woman could be up here with us.
Kiner Ralph

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Mark Twain
 
 
 
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