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The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity. To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.

Englan Mark Twain on New


Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Li Mark Twain


A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.

Mark Twain


The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Mark Twain


Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.

Mark Twain


Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.

Mark Twain


A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Mark Twain


When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Mark Twain


The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Mark Twain


English literature's performing flea.

Mark Twain


Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

Mark Twain


Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I'll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunc

Mark Twain


No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted.

Twain Mark


Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

Twain Mark


An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.

Twain Mark


Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.

Twain Mark


Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.

Twain Mark


Talkers are no good doers.

Twain Mark


The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.

Twain Mark


It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

Twain Mark


Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.

Twain Mark


[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

Twain Mark


Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.

Twain Mark


Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

Twain Mark


There is a road to freedom. Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor, Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and love of the Fatherland.

Twain Mark


I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.

Twain Mark


"My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think of saying, except in a desperate case. It is like saying "My mother, drunk or sober."

Twain Mark


... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Twain Mark


The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobb

Twain Mark


"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

Twain Mark


It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

Twain Mark


You can build a throne out of bayonets, but you can't sit on it for very long.

Twain Mark


All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.

Twain Mark


"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time someone writes `bible thumpers?'

Twain Mark


There's small choice in rotten apples.

Twain Mark


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Twain Mark


He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.

Twain Mark


The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Twain Mark


We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

Twain Mark


Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.

Twain Mark


Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Twain Mark


The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Twain Mark


Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

Twain Mark


Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

Twain Mark


"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me Deadpan Allie and lie.

Twain Mark


The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Twain Mark


In a country where the sole employer is the State, opposition means death by slow starvation. The old principle: Who does not work shall not eat, has been replaced by a new one: Who does not obey shall not eat.

Twain Mark


If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Twain Mark


Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

Twain Mark


The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

Twain Mark


VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. VII: Decreased business base increases overhead. So does increased business base. VIII: The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is fifth grade ari

Twain Mark


Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

Twain Mark


The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.

Twain Mark


The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Twain Mark


Business will be either better or worse.

Twain Mark


To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.

Twain Mark


Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Twain Mark


A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Twain Mark


I'm always looking for a new idea that will be more productive than its cost.

Twain Mark


A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

Twain Mark


Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Twain Mark


We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.

Twain Mark


Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.

Twain Mark


When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.

Twain Mark


Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

Twain Mark


He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

Twain Mark


Not all who own a harp are harpers.

Twain Mark


Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Twain Mark


Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Twain Mark


Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

Twain Mark


The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.

Twain Mark


No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne we

Twain Mark


Every man who has reached even his intellectual teens begins to suspect that life is no farce; that it is not genteel comedy even; that it flowers and fructifies on the contrary out of the profoundest tragic depths of the essential death in which its

Twain Mark


If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Twain Mark


I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Twain Mark


If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Twain Mark


Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Twain Mark


I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

Twain Mark


If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

Twain Mark


There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Twain Mark


Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Twain Mark


"I'd like to start a new religion. One that doesn't use a dead young man as its logo."

Twain Mark


There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

Twain Mark


All kings is mostly rapscallions.

Twain Mark


What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Twain Mark


The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion.

Twain Mark


Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.

Twain Mark


Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage.

Twain Mark


One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is a

Twain Mark


Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!

Twain Mark


In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that "If I had w

Twain Mark


Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

Twain Mark


Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Twain Mark


When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

Twain Mark


Things are not always what they seem.

Twain Mark





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"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."
Mabbitt Ronald

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Mark Twain
 
 
 
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