Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

In charity there is no excess.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

It was a female that drove me to drink and I didn't even have the kindness to thank her.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit. [There is no great genius without some touch of madness.]