If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

The primary theme of SoupCon is communication. The acronym "LEO" represents the secondary theme: Law Enforcement Officials The overall theme of SoupCon shall be: Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

Man is the measure of all things.

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

Whatever doesn't succeed in two months and a half in California will never succeed.