If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

Old age is the harbor of all ills.

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

You can't run away forever, But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.

The dirty work at political conventions is almost always done in the grim hours between midnight and dawn. Hangmen and politicians work best when the human spirit is at its lowest ebb.

The faster we go, the rounder we get.

If Karl, instead of writing a lot about Capital, had made a lot of Capital, it would have been much better.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

"That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver"

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.