The old complaint that mass culture is designed for eleven-year-olds is of course a shameful canard. The key age has traditionally been more like fourteen.

The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.

Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.

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I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.

A full belly makes a dull brain.

Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

Unknown person(s) stole the American flag from its pole in Etra Park sometime between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20. The flag is described as red, white and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"

The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of courtesy, not expecting everyone else to ad