Everlasting peace will come to the world when the last man has slain the last but one.

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it. If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.

When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.

Al Gore resembled a Vulcan desperately in need of a blow job.

My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

It is exactly because a man cannot do a thing that he is a proper judge of it.

We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.

We have art that we do not die of the truth.