Save the Whales

It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the r

Piece of cake!

Fear is the greatest salesman.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

I owe the public nothing.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

Beggars should be no choosers.

There's no justice in this world.