Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

All is well that ends well.

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Do not despair of life. You have no doubt force enough to overcome your obstacles. Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger. Notwithstanding cold and hounds and traps, his race survives

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Men will fuck mud.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.

Rembrandt is not to be compared in the painting of character with our extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Dustin Farnum: Why, yesterday, I had the audience glued to their seats! Oliver Herford: Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!