Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Better tried by twelve than carried by six.

Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

"Life is too important to take seriously."

Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at the blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being.

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

One good turn asketh another.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

The ultimate game show will be the one where somebody gets killed at the end.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.