I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

The streets were dark with something more than night.

It looks like it's up to me to save our skins. Get into that garbage chute, flyboy!

Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.