What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.

Words have a longer life than deeds.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.

Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.

What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spr

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

If God is One, what is bad?

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

He who has the courage to laugh is almost as much a master of the world as he who is ready to die.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

"World conquerors sometimes become fools, but fools never become world conquerors."

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.

There is a secret person undamaged within every individual.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.

I'll turn over a new leaf.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.

No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.