Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.

One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his

Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it. The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.

No-one would remember the Good Samaritan if he had only had good intentions. He had money as well.

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.

What's a cult? It just means not enough people to make a minority.

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

She say, Miss Colie, You better hush. God might hear you. Let 'im hear me, I say. If he ever listened to poor colored women the world would be a different place, I can tell you.

Nothing recedes like success.

We should have a great many fewer disputes in the world if only words were taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things themselves.

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

The Worst Jury A murder trial at Manitoba in February 1978 was well advanced, when one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the remotest clue what was happening. The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any

Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

May you live in uninteresting times.

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.

In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

When in doubt, tell the truth.

Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still speaking almost gently. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

I do desire we may be better strangers.

Those who have had no share in the good fortunes of the mighty Often have a share in their misfortunes.

Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold!

Serfs up!

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.