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Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.

Oscar Wilde


"... all the modern inconveniences ..."

Oscar Wilde


"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits, provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"

Wilde Oscar


When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Wilde Oscar


"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

Wilde Oscar


If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Wilde Oscar


Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.

Wilde Oscar


No good deed goes unpunished.

Wilde Oscar


No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Wilde Oscar


If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Wilde Oscar


If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Wilde Oscar


"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.

Wilde Oscar


were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than their neck circumference. The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear signifi

Wilde Oscar


I have just enough white in me to make my honesty questionable.

Wilde Oscar


In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Wilde Oscar


In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

Wilde Oscar


The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Wilde Oscar


... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H.

Wilde Oscar


Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

Wilde Oscar


Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'

Wilde Oscar


It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.

Wilde Oscar


"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Wilde Oscar


Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Wilde Oscar


The white race is the cancer of history.

Wilde Oscar


She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.

Wilde Oscar


True leadership is the art of changing a group from what it is to what it ought to be.

Wilde Oscar


To add insult to injury.

Wilde Oscar


If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

Wilde Oscar


"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever

Wilde Oscar


I: The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk sow. The same is true of money. II: If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably be twice as good as yesterday was. III: There are

Wilde Oscar


You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Wilde Oscar


The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Wilde Oscar


In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Wilde Oscar


I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Wilde Oscar


Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Wilde Oscar


Porsche: there simply is no substitute.

Wilde Oscar


You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.

Wilde Oscar


In "King Henry VI, Part II," Shakespeare has Dick Butcher suggest to his fellow anti-establishment rabble-rousers, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment was expressed by Thomas K. Co

Wilde Oscar


I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Wilde Oscar





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Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.
Barry Dave

deep thoughts of brillyant genius of human history
Oscar Wilde
 
 
 
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