"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex." (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)

In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

In my end is my beginning.

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that one can learn."

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.

To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.

When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.