"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Sometimes a man who deserves to be looked down upon because he is a fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.

"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

I'm sorry I missed.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.