A witty saying proves nothing.

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now."

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending t

You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard. A justice of the peace or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill. In the municipal courts, he will cost you ten. In the circuit or superior courts, he wants fifteen. The state appellate

Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience.

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

If a man slept by day, he had little time to work. That was a satisfying notion to Escargot.

Sometimes, at the end of the day, when I'm smiling and shaking their hands, I want to kick them.

We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is deceased. My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

Everyone is in the best seat.