San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.

Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

NEW YORK

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today.

Texas is Hell on woman and horses.

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

"I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and 25 percent actor, but I can well see the day when the reverse could be true."

All hope abandon, ye who enter here!

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell

The clergy successfully preached the doctrines of patience and pusillanimity; the active virtues of society were discouraged; and the last remains of a military spirit were buried in the cloister: a large portion of public and private wealth was cons

The notes blatted skyward as they rose over the Canada geese, feathered rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically pedaling unseen bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim, 'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and a

The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion.

America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

A violent man will die a violent death.

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

But you shall not escape my iambics.

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently. Things hitherto undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.

We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.