Some women should be beaten regularly, like gongs.

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."

A witty saying proves nothing.

Things are not always what they seem.

In my end is my beginning.

The Bible says that woman was the last thing God made. Evidently He made her on Saturday night. She reveals his fatigue.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulse that could give the name of the fair sex to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race.

Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.

We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

I will make you shorter by the head.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

I love treason but hate a traitor.

If men are not afraid to die, it is of no avail to threaten them with death. If men live in constant fear of dying, And if breaking the law means a man will be killed, Who will dare to break the law? There is always an official executioner. If

There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.