One big pile is better than two little piles.

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.

"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good." And one says, "This is new, and therefore better"

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for something to occur to you.

"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. General: What does that make YOU? Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.

One good turn deserves another.

It has long been noticed that juries are pitiless for robbery and full of indulgence for infanticide. A question of interest, my dear Sir! The jury is afraid of being robbed and has passed the age when it could be a victim of infanticide.

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

I knew her before she was a virgin.

Here's to women. Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

Love the sea? I dote upon it

If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.

The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Patch griefs with proverbs.

If God wanted us to have a President, He would have sent us a candidate.

When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.

A society in which women are taught anything but the management of a family, the care of men, and the creation of the future generation is a society which is on its way out.

If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.

Grub first, then ethics.