"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."

An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of these eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible.

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

France is a country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.

The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

What fools these mortals be.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

If the Nazis had television with satellite technology, we'd all be goose-stepping. Americans are just as suggestible.

True leadership is the art of changing a group from what it is to what it ought to be.

IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.

I had never been too political, but I knew how white people treated black people and it was hard for me to come back to the bullshit white people put a black person through in this country. To realize you don't have any power to make things differen

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

You can fool all the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie.

He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

I would not like to be a political leader in Russia. They never know when they're being taped.

We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.