Cold is God's way of teling us to burn more Catholics.

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

Practice is the best of all instructors.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

"It says he made us all to be just like him. So if we're dumb, then god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side."

When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"

It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. By Order of the Author

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.

Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to all your troubles.

If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home.

In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".

Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.

Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the mid-fork of the Feather River