"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"

A game can by God repent or we'll punish it. That's how they did it in Salem in the seventeenth century, and that's how we'll do it now.

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Littering is dumb.

One good turn asketh another.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

Standards are different for all things, so the standard set by man is by no means the only 'certain' standard. If you mistake what is relative for something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

Sorry 'bout that sweat, honey. That's just holy water.

Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.

What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.