If any demonstrator ever lays down in front of my car, it'll be the last car he ever lays down in front of.

I have nothing but utter contempt for the courts of this land.

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.

You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.

There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

I steal.

"I understand this is your first dead client," Sabian was saying. The absurdity of the statement made me want to laugh but they don't call me Deadpan Allie and lie.

"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating."

The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to give a public reading of his latest poem. Pope, the leading poet of h

I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

You climb to reach the summit, but once there, discover that all roads lead down.

It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.

A Polish worker walks into a bank to deposit his paycheck. He has heard about Poland's economic problems, and he asks what would happen to his money if the bank collapsed. "All of our deposits are guaranteed by the finance ministry, sir," the telle

Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organising and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the wording: "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person" (unless her name is not "Miss Brown"). If you do not know a person's age, ask for a driver's license and a ma

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.