English literature's performing flea.

Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.

Turn the other cheek.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

There is a road to freedom. Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor, Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and love of the Fatherland.

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on.

There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.

A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

Has the great art and mystery of politics no apparent utility? Does it appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down, and its salient virtuosi a gang of umitigated scoundrels? Then let us not forget its high capacity to soo

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy

In Pierre Trudeau, Canada has finally produced a Prime Minister worthy of assassination.

In the long run we are all dead.

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

You'd best be snoozin', 'cause you don't be gettin' no work done at 5 a.m. anyway.

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?

There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.