And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."

Housework can kill you if done right.

Haste makes waste.

... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you were a High-Class Realtor and if you hadn't you were a shyster, a piker and a fly-by-night. These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle Bigger Propositions.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

If I love you, what business is it of yours?

If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, beca

There's no justice in this world.

When in doubt, use brute force.

It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.

Thou hast seen nothing yet.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.