America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

It looks like it's up to me to save our skins. Get into that garbage chute, flyboy!

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

For every bloke who makes his mark, there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Human resources are human first, and resources second.

If you aren't rich you should always look useful.

If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.

Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

Confucius say too much.

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.

The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The employee is simply there o

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

To lead people, you must follow behind.

Beggars should be no choosers.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

All art is but imitation of nature.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

A yawn is a silent shout.

Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.

Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.