The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.

The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

XI: If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off. XII: I

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.

When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity for him. All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.

When the ax entered the forest, the trees said, "The handle is one of us!"

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Two heads are better than one.

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.

There is no sin but ignorance.

Not all who own a harp are harpers.

I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

The optimum committee has no members.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

Pauca sed matura. [Few but excellent.]

I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.

"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them."

The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

My father was a saint, I'm not.