If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an illness.

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

I hate dying.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

Men are superior to women.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

Objectivity is to a newspaper what virtue is to a woman.

It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money?

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

What soon grows old? Gratitude.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.

Exxon's 'Universe of Energy' tends to the peculiar rather than the humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and rain and strip mines and] two or three minutes of mechanical confusion, the seats locomote through a short

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards."

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

When in doubt, use brute force.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Leave no stone unturned.