Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.

To listen to some devout people, one would imagine that God never laughs.

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate. Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and great effort pushing boulders into a single

Youth is a disease from which we all recover.

If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom.

Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects.

Men's skin is different from women's skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a woman's skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her cal

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

You're either part of the solution or part of the problem.

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.

Neckties strangle clear thinking.

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Even God cannot change the past.

"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!" "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to feel interested. "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little vexed. "That's what the name is called. The nam

One big pile is better than two little piles.

I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

This night methinks is but the daylight sick.

The public demands certainties; it must be told definitely and a bit raucously that this is true and that is false. But there are no certainties.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form. The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish betwe

The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.

War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having his neighbour notice it.

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

I'm glad I was not born before tea.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.

In the long run we are all dead.

There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his

Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will probably be one of those deep, eerie ones that slowly builds to a blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

HR 3128. Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986. Martin, R-Ill., motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits. The Senate amendment was an amendment to the

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?"

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make

English literature's performing flea.

Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.