In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog,

A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.

Knowledge is power.

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across t

Scratch the average female and you'll find a purring bundle... at the ready to love and honor, bake a torte and still produce quintuplets.

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

So little time, so little to do.

The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Life is the living you do, Death is the living you don't do.

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo

Confucius say too much.

We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness th

None love the bearer of bad news.

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men.

Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.

Plus ,ca change, plus c'est la m^eme chose. [The more things change, the more they remain the same.]

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.

If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.