I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an opinion.

If the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world.

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.

For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used for thirty years. This gives me great hope for the human race.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.

Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.

It'll be just like Beggars' Canyon back home.

Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its many waters.

He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

I owe the public nothing.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher

It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home.

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family p

Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

I am a deeply superficial person.

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound."

A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

"We maintain that the very foundation of our way of life is what we call free enterprise," said Cash McCall, "but when one of our citizens show enough free enterprise to pile up a little of that profit, we do our best to make him feel that he ought t

Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.

We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.

When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him. Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay y

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Conscience doth make cowards of us all.

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.