One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio c

Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the ground.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.

Chapter 1 The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Don't guess

What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

There's no justice in this world.

Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know that he is.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.

I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.