One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.

When you are at Rome live in the Roman style; when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.

It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.

All art is but imitation of nature.

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.

So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so.

Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

All Gods were immortal.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

God is Dead.

"Elves and Dragons!" I says to him. "Cabbages and potatoes are better for you and me."

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Texas is Hell on woman and horses.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them."

It's always darkest just before the lights go out.

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come.

I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation.

A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I would have cared nor

"It don't matter, Sail, ... Could be worse. The fam'ly might be donatin' the proceeds to the Cath'lic Church, or the Mormons or somethin'. One cult's the same another."

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.

"God gives burdens; also shoulders" Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the end of the 1980 election. At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I can't find it anywhere. I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why wo

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanent