A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

I hate dying.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

I will make you shorter by the head.

So little time, so little to do.

Necessity hath no law.

"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Time as he grows old teaches all things.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.

The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.

A man is known by the company he organizes.

To teach is to learn twice.

Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soo

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director f

I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and I wasn't tempted to buy