You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.

Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth gr

I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most.

The fact that it works is immaterial.

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.

If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.

There is always something new out of Africa.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What t

Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.

We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold.

God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things.

The first requisite for immortality is death.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children." "Oh, so you don't like it?" "Don't like it? I'm CRAZY for it."

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Mandrell: "You know what I think?" Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right?"

XXI: It's easy to get a loan unless you need it. XXII: If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not selling advice. XXIII: Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently estimated. XXIV:

The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.

Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.

History is nothing but a collection of fables and useless trifles, cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

Things are not always what they seem.

Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.

Mum's the word.

For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening's experiments. Astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on