"There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income parents' lives a misery." "... I want you to picture the trusting face of a child, streaked with tears because of what you just said." "I want you to picture the face of

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

Charity begins at home.

Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.

A good scapegoat is hard to find. A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.

Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

The pollution's at that awkward stage. Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."

When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics.

The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.

The man-hating woman, like the cold woman, is largely imaginary. She is simply a woman who has done her best to snare a man and has failed.

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation.

Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.

If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't say embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and y

Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.

per year.

The Worst Car Hire Service When David Schwartz left university in 1972, he set up Rent-a-wreck as a joke. Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California. He put on a cap and lo