This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my family, it seems, begins where yours left off.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

One man's Mede is another man's Persian.

That's always the way when you discover something new; everyone thinks you're crazy.

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

The Least Successful Collector Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of t

Satire is tragedy plus time.

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

When in doubt, use brute force.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHEC

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

The seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted.

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)

Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.

The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same being who produces the impressions.

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.

All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.

A diplomat's life consists of three things: protocol, Geritol, and alcohol.

To teach is to learn twice.

Every young man should have a hobby: learning how to handle money is the best one.

Time goes, you say? Ah no! Time stays, *we* go.

Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Education and religion are two things not regulated by supply and demand. The less of either the people have, the less they want.

"No job too big; no fee too big!"

Like ya know? Rock 'N Roll is an esoteric language that unlocks the creativity chambers in people's brains, and like totally activates their essential hipness, which of course is like totally necessary for saving the earth, like because the first th