If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Never take a resume seriously. Resumes only make money for the people who write the resumes. No resume ever tells an employer how many times a job applicant has had the clap. Why, indeed, would anyone hire a person based on a resume written by a

The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied.

My father, a good man, told me, "Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it."

If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies. And when she lies, she does not believe herself.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back the when it begins to rain.

The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

I am a deeply superficial person.

No one born with a mouth and a need is "innocent".

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore.

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.

Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

She applies her lipstick in spite of its contents: "greasy rouge, containing crushed and dried insect corpses for coloring, beeswax for stiffness, and olive oil to help it flow - the latter having the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours a

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."

Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?

Necessity hath no law.

Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Rascal, am I? Take THAT!

The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of some pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet reflection followed by sudden preventi

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.