The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Too much of everything is just enough.

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

Littering is dumb.

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

A witty saying proves nothing.

I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products. Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual and emotional feelings. I

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than the kind of cleverness th

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."

A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are correct.

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.

Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gin

Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.