If you catch a man, throw him back.

One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.

So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way.

I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have gotten the hostages released. I thank God they were satisfied with the missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.

Things past redress and now with me past care.

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.

Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing can ever be made.

A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.

I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.

You never gain something but that you lose something.

You got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Go away, I'm all right.

The perfect friend sees the best in you

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being but to remind him that he is already degraded.

There is no comfort without pain; thus we define salvation through suffering.

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends without any means.

The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side by side to our common doom.

I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.

What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?

Were it not for the presence of the unwashed and the half-educated, the formless, queer and incomplete, the unreasonable and absurd, the infinite shapes of the delightful human tadpole, the horizon would not wear so wide a grin.

I do desire we may be better strangers.

The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal. The highest reason, however, I see in the work of the artist, and he may experience it as such. Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and thinking: all the rest of the worl