If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.

Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.

He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.

Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.

When the sun shineth, make hay.

[He] took me into his library and showed me his books, of which he had a complete set.

I think we're in trouble.

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

Some men are heterosexual, and some are bisexual, and some men don't think about sex at all... they become lawyers.

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest amount of hot air.

I understand why you're confused. You're thinking too much.

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

There is no fool to the old fool.

When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And the Master answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build bywa

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

"The jig's up, Elman." "Which jig?"

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go, where the very opposite applies with the judges.