Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

... why should you waste a single moment of *your* life seeming to be something you don't want to be? Lord, that's so simple. If you hate your job, quit it. If your friends are tedious, go out and find new friends. You are queer, you lucky fool, a

No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so fo

The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his memos.

'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan. Never odd or even. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. Madam, I'm Adam. Sit on a potato pan, Otis. Sit on Otis.

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

"What are you watching?" "I don't know." "Well, what's happening?" "I'm not sure... I think the guy in the hat did something terrible." "Why are you watching it?" "You're so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

The Anglo-Saxon conscience does not prevent the Anglo-Saxon from sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.

To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then that night, they burned the wheel.

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.

Littering is dumb.

I'm never through with a girl until I've had her three ways.

When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched, the majority of men live content.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.

Veni, vidi, vici. [I came, I saw, I conquered].

I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have gotten the hostages released. I thank God they were satisfied with the missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme.

Everything is possible. Pass the word.

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

What does it take for Americans to do great things; to go to the moon, to win wars, to dig canals linking oceans, to build railroads across a continent? In independent thought about this question, Neil Armstrong and I concluded that it takes a coinci

Forgive and forget.

A sinking ship gathers no moss.

I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.

I am examining you on your fool ideas that no intelligent Christian on earth believes.

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

With women, I've got a long bamboo pole with a leather loop on the end of it. I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too close. Like catching snakes.

The most delightful day after the one on which you buy a cottage in the country is the one on which you resell it.

I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life. I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career of a robber.

question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.

The superfluous is very necessary.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

The Least Successful Executions History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention. The first performed in Sydney in Australia. In 1803 three attempts were made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels. On the first two of these the rope snap

My own life has been spent chronicling the rise and fall of human systems, and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable. ... We should be reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent to what we do; it has no fe

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their