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Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Shakespear


I'm glad I was not born before tea.

Shakespear William


If you want divine justice, die.

Shakespear William


Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Shakespear William


One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka. The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing, put on one of the ties his

Shakespear William


Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Shakespear William


Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.

Shakespeare


What we wish, that we readily believe.

Shakespeare


Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] or [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]

Shakespeare


It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.

Shakespeare


American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room with

Shakespeare


'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!

Shakespeare


When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

Shakespeare William


A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

Shakespeare Wm.


There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what rid

Shakespeare Wm.


He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.

Shakespeare


Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic table.

Shakespeare


I love treason but hate a traitor.

Shakespeare


By the middle 1880's, practically all the roads except those in the South, were of the present standard gauge. The southern roads were still five feet between rails. It was decided to change the gauge of all southern roads to standard, in one day

Shakespeare


Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions

Shakespeare


Many hands make light work.

Shakespeare


Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.

Shakespeare


Flame on!

Shakespeare


Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Shakespeare


Never buy from a rich salesman.

Shakespeare


I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Shakespeare


Getting into trouble is easy.

Shakespeare


Diary of a Young Girl LITE(tm)

Shakespeare


There are no answers, only cross-references.

Shakespeare


When in doubt, tell the truth.

Shakespeare William


Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas.

Shakespeare William


The only promotion rules I can think of are that a sense of shame is to be avoided at all costs and there is never any reason for a hustler to be less cunning than more virtuous men. Oh yes ... whenever you think you've got something really great, a

Shakespeare William


A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.

Shakespeare William


Women are nothing but machines for producing children.

Shakespeare William


Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Shakespeare William


Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

Shakespeare William


If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Shakespeare William


A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

Shakespeare William


Confucius say too much.

Shakespeare William


There's nothing worse for your business than extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.

Shakespeare William


It doesn't matter whether you win or lose

Shakespeare William


With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Shakespeare William


If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

Shakespeare William


A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Shakespeare William


Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.

Shakespeare William


The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

Shakespeare William


Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.

Shakespeare Wm.


It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.

William Shakespeare


[Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

William Shakespeare


We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. [...] I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk w

William Shakespeare


If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.

William Shakespeare


No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

William Shakespeare





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In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
Englan Mark Twain on New

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Shakespear
 
 
 
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