Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Necessity hath no law.

"We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to

Well, the handwriting is on the floor.

Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore,

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; The deed there is, but no doer thereof; Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; The Path there is, but none who travel it.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

The rights and interests of the laboring man will be protected and cared for not by our labor agitators, but by the Christian men to whom God in his infinite wisdom has given control of property interests of the country, and upon the successful manag

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Knowledge is power.

Life is too short to be taken seriously.

Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.

Nothing endures but change.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.

A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrases: "Let our thoughts be correct".

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.

Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?

The future not being born, my friend, we will abstain from baptizing it.

If I were a grave-digger or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

There is always something new out of Africa.

Rotten wood cannot be carved.

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.

Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarri

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.

Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers. One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

Anything is possible on paper.

If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.

Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.

Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

One good turn deserves another.

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

The `loner' may be respected, but he is always resented by his colleagues, for he seems to be passing a critical judgment on them, when he may be simply making a limiting statement about himself.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?

If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.

All is well that ends well.

We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.