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Live fast, die young, and leave a flat patch of fur on the highway!
 Shakespear
My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus. They put him
in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was
Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.
 Shakespear William
The ripest fruit falls first.
 Shakespear William
The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
and owns the worm farm.
 Shakespear William
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
 Shakespear William
Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas"
until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out,
we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.
 Shakespear William
She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
 Shakespeare
Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a surprising
amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one hand considered
the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other hand were unwilling
to risk offending God's g Shakespeare
I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.
 Shakespeare
A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the
entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.
 Shakespeare
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head
into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently
married the barber; and there were  Shakespeare
I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I
will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all
Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they
teach. Oh, tell me that I may s Shakespeare
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
 Shakespeare
William
Better late than never.
 Shakespeare
Wm.
I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I
don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected
with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,
the food cheaper, and old men Shakespeare
Wm.
As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.
 Shakespeare
Mandrell: "You know what I think?"
Doctor: "Ah, ah that's a catch question. With a brain your size you
don't think, right?"
 Shakespeare
As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.
 Shakespeare
When you say that you agree to a thing in principle, you mean that
you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.
 Shakespeare
It seems to me that nearly every woman I know wants a man who knows how
to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things,
and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family
airedale will come clear across t Shakespeare
Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick
your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as
Mental Anguish. You would sue:
* The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions
 Shakespeare
"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands."
 Shakespeare
Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.
 Shakespeare
Nice guys finish last.
 Shakespeare
We have art that we do not die of the truth.
 Shakespeare
Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining
ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror
to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the
mid-fork of the Feather River Shakespeare
When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,"
it's the money.
 Shakespeare
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
 Shakespeare
Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations
Sign on a cabin door of a Soviet Black Sea cruise liner:
Helpsavering apparata in emergings behold many whistles!
Associate the stringing apparata about the bosums and meet
behind, flee then t Shakespeare
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
 Shakespeare William
The Public is merely a multiplied "me."
 Shakespeare William
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and
that is not being talked about.
 Shakespeare William
When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.
 Shakespeare William
If I love you, what business is it of yours?
 Shakespeare William
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
make it shorter.
 Shakespeare William
If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.
 Shakespeare William
Dear Ann Landers:
My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday. He claims
one minister said there are 350 different sins. My husband wants to
know if you can get the list. He thinks he is missing something.
 Shakespeare William
There are more things in heaven and earth,
Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
 Shakespeare William
"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time
someone writes `bible thumpers?'
 Shakespeare William
I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the
sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are
loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.
 Shakespeare William
Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.
 Shakespeare William
Nothing succeeds like success.
 Shakespeare William
Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally
of dealings with men.
 Shakespeare William
Never have so many understood so little about so much.
 Shakespeare William
Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is
weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and
weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists,
but he sings about his gin Shakespeare William
Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?
 Shakespeare William
In charity there is no excess.
 Shakespeare Wm.
You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice,
bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.
 William Shakespeare
The life which is unexamined is not worth living.
 William Shakespeare
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
 William Shakespeare
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing,
but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
 William Shakespeare
Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean, "not really."
 William Shakespeare
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Random Quote
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and
enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to
lend money.
 Twain Mark
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