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The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own.

Shakespear


Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.

Shakespear William


My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.

Shakespear William


The road to Hades is easy to travel.

Shakespear William


It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Shakespear William


"You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said. "Anything that seems of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note. Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care. Because death is moment

Shakespear William


She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is good at being short.

Shakespeare


Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature. This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.

Shakespeare


Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas" until you are told that those rooms are "punched out." Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.

Shakespeare


Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they had towels from my house.

Shakespeare


"MOKE DAT YIGARETTE"

Shakespeare


Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.

Shakespeare


I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.

Shakespeare William


God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.

Shakespeare Wm.


Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Shakespeare Wm.


Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Shakespeare


If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Shakespeare


I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.

Shakespeare


Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

Shakespeare


Forgive and forget.

Shakespeare


Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.

Shakespeare


Perhaps the remembrance of these things will prove a source of future pleasure.

Shakespeare


The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Shakespeare


If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Shakespeare


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

Shakespeare


Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.

Shakespeare


I hate quotations.

Shakespeare


The farther you go, the less you know.

Shakespeare


"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."

Shakespeare


Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.

Shakespeare William


If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.

Shakespeare William


You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

Shakespeare William


Art is either plagiarism or revolution.

Shakespeare William


Love the sea? I dote upon it

Shakespeare William


"Spare no expense to save money on this one."

Shakespeare William


I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

Shakespeare William


The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.

Shakespeare William


"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?" "Whattaya need?" "Oh, about $500." "Whattaya got for collateral?" "Whattaya need?" "How about an eye?"

Shakespeare William


We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Shakespeare William


Ask not for whom the Bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.

Shakespeare William


If there is no wind, row.

Shakespeare William


Rembrandt is not to be compared in the painting of character with our extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.

Shakespeare William


... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witch

Shakespeare William


One good turn deserves another.

Shakespeare William


Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Shakespeare William


Do not use that foreign word "ideals". We have that excellent native word "lies".

Shakespeare William


If you are shooting under 80 you are neglecting your business; over 80 you are neglecting your golf.

Shakespeare Wm.


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

William Shakespeare


The coast was clear.

William Shakespeare


I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

William Shakespeare


"You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."

William Shakespeare


The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

William Shakespeare





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I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up.
Barf Biff

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Shakespear
 
 
 
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