My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

The Least Successful Defrosting Device The all-time record here is held by Mr. Peter Rowlands of Lancaster whose lips became frozen to his lock in 1979 while blowing warm air on it. "I got down on my knees to breathe into the lock. Somehow my lips

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.

The Crown is full of it!

I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything!

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period."

God is Dead.

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that "If I had w

Words have a longer life than deeds.

If there really was a Jewish conspiracy to run the world, my rabbi would have let me in on it by now. I contribute enough to the shule.

The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move.

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.

As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.

Those who are mentally and emotionally healthy are those who have learned when to say yes, when to say no and when to say whoopee.

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. A more sententious, holding- forth old bore who expected every

Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations Various signs in Poland: Right turn toward immediate outside. Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons. Five o'clock tea at all hours. In a men's washroom in Sidney:

It shall be unlawful for any suspicious person to be within the municipality.

There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.

The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.

"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point."

I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.

For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.

It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.