Our swords shall play the orators for us.

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers. But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.

The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.

Go ahead... make my day.

So little time, so little to do.

What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, durin

Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't know much.

If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream and never be our destiny.

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.

When democracy granted democratic methods to us in times of opposition, this was bound to happen in a democratic system. However, we National Socialists never asserted that we represented a democratic point of view, but we have declared openly that

"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound!"

There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a mi

Remembering is for those who have forgotten.

...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither does he hate it. Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to combat it, and laughing at good means denying the power through which good is self-propagating.

If a man stay away from his wife for seven years, the law presumes the separation to have killed him; yet according to our daily experience, it might well prolong his life.

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

I am not a politician and my other habits are also good.

He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

Anything anybody can say about America is true.

It is a wise father that knows his own child.