It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.

Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to

Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.

"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."

Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

The first sign of corruption in a society that is still alive is that the end justifies the means.

In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.

"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial: both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him during the trial."

Were there no women, men might live like gods.

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

No good deed goes unpunished.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein.

"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane. And you know what happens? At the very moment they cross those mountains... they go mad. Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment they cross the mountains into California,

Imagine there's no heaven... it's easy if you try.

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

The future is a race between education and catastrophe.

Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation straightened out for a crowbar.

(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as

Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.