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The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums. It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.

Shakespeare


The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of the world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It wa

Shakespeare


The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.

Shakespeare


The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.

Shakespeare


Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

Shakespeare


When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.

Shakespeare


I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.

Shakespeare William


"Plaese porrf raed."

Shakespeare Wm.


I know not how I came into this, shall I call it a dying life or a living death?

Shakespeare Wm.


The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

Shakespeare


Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Shakespeare


"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."

Shakespeare


Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die.

Shakespeare


Sho' they got to have it against the law. Shoot, ever'body git high, they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens. Hee-hee.

Shakespeare


Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people to do so.

Shakespeare


Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make

Shakespeare


I stick my neck out for nobody.

Shakespeare


Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.

Shakespeare


When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Shakespeare


... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter. "I" do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great

Shakespeare


They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Shakespeare


Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground

Shakespeare


If there were a school for, say, sheet metal workers, that after three years left its graduates as unprepared for their careers as does law school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.

Shakespeare


There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Shakespeare William


"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying around, I'd rather lie around. No contest."

Shakespeare William


Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Shakespeare William


Ben, why didn't you tell me?

Shakespeare William


Don't guess

Shakespeare William


The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.

Shakespeare William


It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong. Our offense consists in doubting it.

Shakespeare William


Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'

Shakespeare William


In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.

Shakespeare William


He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.

Shakespeare William


Prizes are for children.

Shakespeare William


Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia because they were liars. The truth was that Plato knew philosophers couldn't compete successfully with poets.

Shakespeare William


Never buy from a rich salesman.

Shakespeare William


We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

Shakespeare William


For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

Shakespeare William


A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.

Shakespeare William


Necessity has no law.

Shakespeare William


A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

Shakespeare Wm.


If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce love because you do not consent, will chastity also be homicide?

William Shakespeare


The man who runs may fight again.

William Shakespeare


For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

William Shakespeare


We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.

William Shakespeare


Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?

William Shakespeare





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Gyles Brandreth

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